


Little Wonders

by LosingInterest



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, M/M, Other, RE-POSTING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 21:55:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18882010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LosingInterest/pseuds/LosingInterest
Summary: RE-POSTING STORY OFThe family of three, the chaos between, and the kangaroo plushie.





	1. Glitters

**Author's Note:**

> Re-posted due to some request. Instead of making them a series like before, I'll post them as chapters. Un-betaed, all mistakes are mine. This is what I have in my current documents, might be slightly different than what I'd posted and deleted before. Each chapter stood on its own, timeline shifted back and forth. Chapters will be added later IF I find more of it in my PC. All works were done long ago, the theme is Alternate Universe-Canon Divergence. Please do not compare to reality since there's only bits and pieces I took from it. Thank you :)

“Ken,” Daesung tries his best to put his stern face, holding himself together. His limbs ache from cleaning up. “Where did you get it?”

Ken refuses to give him answers, keeping his stare fixed at his kangaroo plushie.

“I’m talking to you, Ken.”

The baby shakes his head.

Daesung sighs for the nth time. _It’s supposed to be a good day_ , he mutters under his breath. It’s finally his day off after three exhausting months of going back and forth between Japan and Korea, not to mention those singing and dancing practices every day, body training whenever he had time to. He’s been waiting for it, he’s been looking forward to spend a day with his family. What he really wished for was for them to have a meal together and talked about many things they’ve been missing to witness about each other. He couldn’t help but slightly disappointed knowing that Seunghyun had to go filming – _the schedule just came in yesterday and Seunghyun had apologize twice for it eventhough technically it wasn’t his fault_ –but he supposed that taking care of his kid alone for a day would not be that bad.

Or in this case, tiring.

“Give me the rest, okay?”

What he meant was the rest of Ken’s _ammunition_ but he might as well pleading for some time to close his eyes and sleep.

His son pouts and finally, very slowly, looks at him in the eyes. It’s a trick he had learned from Seunghyun although Daesung isn’t sure if a three years old understand the effect of _a doe eyes_ on him. “Can I keep it?”

“Can you promise me to never do that again?”

“No?” Ken’s voice is tiny, full with hopes. His bangs askew, he’s still in his Iron Man pajama.

“Then no, you can’t.”

“Why?”

Daesung wonders if his exhaustion is not visible enough and why _why_ is an _everyday_ question coming from a toddler. His stomach growls in desperation and hunger. The sound makes his son grins, as if it was the bell that’d save his day.

“What are we going to eat?” his eyes disappear as he throws his arms around Daesung’s legs. Ken loves picking the meals from their favorite restaurant’s menu set eventhough he can barely read them. Seunghyun would explain to him one by one and Ken would shower him with questions and affections. At the thought, Daesung shakes his head.

He has to deal with it himself today.

“We’re not going to get anything if you don’t tell me where you got _it_.”

Ken’s face falls and he clings tighter, pressing his face against Daesung’s thigh. “Please?”

Daesung resists the urge to let go of the matter. He still has to deal with Seunghyun’s chair and Ken doesn’t seem to understand that if he doesn’t manage to clean it up on time, both of them will have to deal with Seunghyun’s grumpy mood.

“Tell me first.”

“ _Appa_ , please?”

“Or I’ll call Seunghyun–appa.”

Ken’s eyes lit up at the mention of the name. “Really?”

Daesung glances at the clock, considering his own threat. “Really,” he picks up his phone and dials the numbers he memorizes by heart. Ken, still clinging onto his leg, smiles.

“Is everything okay?” Seunghyun skips the greeting before Daesung has any chance to say hello. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Daesung swallows the lump in his throat. He’s a grown up and he’s not going to cry and be emotional over the fact that they’ve been both very busy for months it’s hard to say they’re living in the same house.

“What’s wrong? Is Ken okay?”

Daesung looks down to his son, whose eyes wide open. Stories are running in his mind but sentences get stuck in his throat. How is he going to tell Seunghyun about what had happened?

That he had woken up earlier in order to be able to get fresh morning air only to be shocked by the sight of sparkles all over their son’s bedroom?

That Ken, someone, had woken up earlier too and by any chance discovered two bottles glitters –which Daesung has no idea how it could be in their house –and spilled it all over his bedsheet and Seunghyun’s chair and floor and his new Vans’ shoes that matched Daesung’s?

That his spine had gone from scrubbing the floor and washing the sheet and trying to clean up the shoes and, still, he cannot get rid of those sparkling glitters on Seunghyun’s chair?

That today is supposed to be a good day and he’s missing their times together but it’s almost ten and they have nothing to eat?

“Daesung?” Seunghyun asks again, almost positive it’s a bad news.

Daesung sighs. “Ken had glitters and glues and it’s all over our house now, hyung.”

There’s a pause and Daesung is sure that Seunghyun is holding his breath. Or probably planning on how to discipline their son.

“And then?”

“ _And then_?” he parrots in confusion. His three years old crawls on his leg, waiting for his chance to speak with his father.

Seunghyun laughs and it vibrates straight to Daesung’s heart, messing up with the feelings he doesn’t realize he’s been piling up for months, the longing.

“It’s just glitters, Daesung.”

“ _Just glitters_?” the meltdown is coming and he’s out of control. Rage and sadness are all over the place, in every inch of his skin. He is having a day off and he doesn’t deserve this _just glitters_ morning, no. “How could you say that it’s just glitters?!”

“Daesung?”

“I’VE BEEN CLEANING UP SINCE THIS MORNING AND MY KNEES HURT, MY SHOULDERS ARE ACHING, MY HANDS ARE RED AND IT’S STILL _FUCKING_ SPARKLING EVERYWHERE, I AM GOING TO BE BLIND, HYUNG!!”

“I didn’t mean –”

“YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO TELL ME WHAT?”

Daesung tries to catch a breath, his throat hurts from screaming. Before he has any chance to speak –or probably cry –his son, who has gone quiet upon hearing the loud words, dissolves into tears beside him. And Daesung, finally gives up to his heart, joins him to sit on the floor and sob, leaving the confused and panicked Seunghyun on the other line of the phone, forgotten.

***

It feels like eternity, but they finally calm down with Daesung’s arms around Ken’s small body.

“I’m sorry, _appa_.”

Guilt settles upon Daesung. He’s not supposed to scream like that, he shouldn’t scare his son. Sure, it’s his fault but Daesung knows he’s been pouring anger not only of the glitters incident but also everything else he’s been keeping inside him for the sake of his upcoming singing project.

“I shouldn’t scream like that, I’m sorry,” his voice creaks and Ken smiles because it sounds like a frog in his favorite cartoon. “We should eat something, come on.”

Ken wraps his arms around his father’s neck. He loves the scent of sweat and the warmth seeping out from his Daesung–appa’s shirt as he buries his face on his shoulder. His neck is strong and his skin is slightly darker than Ken’s but it’s a beautiful color. His father also has beautiful lips with small _dot_ near it and he loves it so much when he sings, he silently wishes he’d be able to sing just as good. His Daesung–appa used to sing him to sleep at night but he’s been away for months and Ken got to stay in his grandmother’s house almost every day.

His father comes back today but he had made him upset and worse, sad.

“I’m sorry,” he wants to cry again. “Are you going to leave me?”

Daesung’s hand stops soothing circle on his son’s back. “Leave?”

“Yeah,” Ken sniffs, his eyes are red. His nose feels so stuffy and funny. “Like yesterday.”

“No,” Daesung puts his son on a chair. Next to it is the one still with sparkling glitters all over. “Today I’m staying home.”

“But you’re mad.”

“It doesn’t mean I’ll leave you, Ken.”

“Why not?”

Daesung isn’t sure if he’s going to give him the best answer. But Ken deserves an answer just as much as he deserves a rest. His son deserves a day to not to choose which of his grandmother going to babysit him today. He deserves a day to mess around in his own house rather than playing with his cousin’s toys. “Because this is our house and we’re staying here today, you and me, no matter how mad we are at each other.”

“I’m not mad at you, _appa_.”

“I was mad at you. But I’ve made you cry and I shouldn’t do that no matter how mad I was.”

“It’s okay,” Ken touched his father’s hair and sees some glitters stuck on the strands. He hopes he won’t be mad for it or tell him to never again stroke his hair. He is the only one who gets permission _all the time_ to touch it and he’s not losing his privilege; he gets scared often just by thinking about it. “You cried too.”

“I did,” Daesung laughs, feeling stupid. He had let his feeling and longing out in front of his son when he’s supposed to discipline him for making a mess. “I’m just tired.”

They sighs in unison and smiles. For a while it’s only silence filling up.

“ _Appa_?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s a _just_ _glitters_?”

“Those sparkling things you poured out all over your bedroom, sweetheart.”

Ken blinks in disbelief. “Aren’t them _stars_?”

“Stars?” Daesung asks in shock. His son doesn’t even know what that _thing_ was and thought it was stars. “No, it’s not stars. Stars are up in the sky, remember?”

“But it’s sparkling,” Ken states stubbornly. “Not stars?”

“No, it’s not,” Daesung shakes his head. When his son’s eyes start to get watery again, he rushes to make excuse. “But we can think of it as stars, _of course._ ”

“It won’t work,” Ken whispers, fat lone tear roll from his left eye and Daesung’s heart breaks at the sight. He doesn’t know why or _how_ or _what_ that will not work and he feels small as a parent. Pulling his son close against his chest, he hums a song. The sobs stop almost immediately, tiny arms around his neck tighten its hold.

***

“So, baby?”

“Hmm?” Ken lifts his face from his bowl. He doesn’t really like spinach but his Daesung–appa will make sure he eat it anyway.

“What’s not going to work?” Daesung watches his son feeding himself with his spoon. Seunghyun has been eager to teach him how to properly use a chopstick.

“Wishes,” the baby says. “Shooting stars.”

It finally starts making sense and Daesung is torn in between crying and laughing.

“Did you throw it all over the place because you thought it would make your wishes come true?”

Ken nods, finding no odds in it at all. “It’s baby stars so I _sprinkled_.”

Daesung leans back on his seat, trying to believe his fate. His son had wishes he wanted so badly to come true that he started to make his own shooting _baby stars_. “What did you wish for?”

“I want you to be home.”

It’s simple yet for their family, especially recently, it’s quite impossible. At the acknowledgement of that fact, Daesung squeezes his son’s hand gently.

“I’m home today, Ken.”

“But Seunghyun–appa –”

Something – _someone_ –bursts through the door with such force and urgency that make Daesung jumps and stands vigil in front of his son.

“What happened?” Seunghyun’s hair is half–white, probably still in the process of coloring when Daesung called him. “Are you hurt?”

“ _Appa_!” Ken screams happily as he runs to Seunghyun’s arms.

Daesung doesn’t know what Seunghyun had told his manager and everyone else in order to get permission to go back to their house, just as much as he doesn’t know how to explain _everything_ without getting scolded from the older man. For now, glitters seem a lot like stars and he has the urge to wish upon some too, just like Ken had done.

“Let’s eat,” he smiles. “I’m starving.”

 

It’s not a day like what he had planned but it’s his opportunity to be with his family and a day with his family is _always_ a good day.


	2. A Father

“This is Cookie,” she says, carefully putting the dolphin plushie on Seunghyun’s lap. “Cookie doesn’t like oranges.”

Seunghyun doesn’t know why in this world someone would give the name _Cookie_ for a stuffed animal or why it doesn’t like oranges, yet he doesn’t really want to know the reason. His throat feels dry from the humid weather and he’s not the only one who pretends like he’s not tired. His manager is dozing off and not too far, the director seems like he’s about to do the same if only he’s not the man in charge.

“Cookie likes you,” she smiles.

“Thank you, I like him too,” Seunghyun resigns himself from yawning.

“It’s a she,” she corrects him, taking back the plushie.

“She is beautiful.”

“Really? My mom thinks she is scary.”

Seunghyun laughs. “Because she has _tattoos_?”

The little girl nods, pouting slightly. “Cookie loves it, she loves green.”

Seunghyun stares at the white dolphin which back has a big letter green _C_ and some more dots and spirals and whatever shapes –also green –painted all over it. “Do you like drawing?”

“Yes yes!” she claps her hands happily. “Like daddy!”

Seunghyun knows her dad and was surprised to find out that his daughter was going to co-star him in his upcoming movie. Unlike his son, who would bow and smile politely to whoever Seunghyun introduced him to, the little girl seemed to shrink behind his father.

_“My daughter is a bit timid,” the father squatted beside her, trying to get his daughter to shake Seunghyun’s extended hand. “But she loves acting.”_

_“Amy,” she said, her eyes never left the ground even as she touched Seunghyun’s hand. “My name is Amy.”_

By the time they’re ready to shoot their first scene, rain came unexpectedly, ruining the set. The director told them to wait until it stops and Seunghyun wanted to smoke but couldn’t with the girl trailing behind him. Her father has to go for a while so Seunghyun is all she has.

“Do you like drawing too?” her finger toys with Cookie’s tail.

“I love collecting paintings instead,” Seunghyun grins at the thought of his little boy. “My son painted on one of the wall in his bedroom.”

To be honest, it’s just Ken’s handprints and not more than two. It was last summer and Seunghyun was too excited to see his son dipping his small hands on the paint then smacked it happily against the wall to tell him _no_. It wasn’t _really_ a painting but Seunghyun loves abstract concept so he let it be that way instead of covering it with blue like the rest of the walls. Daesung rolled his eyes at the decision but left it up to Seunghyun anyway.

“Really?” Amy’s face lit up with admiration and jealousy. “I can only draw on my sketch book or canvases. I got a big size canvas for my birthday last year.”

Ken will be four in five days and Seunghyun is still in searching–mode for his present. Daesung had told him that he’d get Ken a coupon to buy whatever he wants and Seunghyun mocked him for being not so fond of giving out surprise. Now, given the hectic time and limited places he could reach to find a perfect gift, he has to agree that it was a great idea. “Is it good? Getting a canvas for your birthday?”

“It is as tall as I am,” she nods cheerfully. “Oh, I got cream too.”

“Cream?” Seunghyun frowns. “Like in a cake?”

“No,” Amy shakes her head. “Cream is Cookie’s bestfriend.”

“Ooh,” Seunghyun sneers but recovers quickly before he makes another mental comment of this girl’s ability to name her toys. “Another dolphin? Do you like dolphins?”

Amy sighs and looks at him with judging eyes. Her cheeks are slightly chubby and her eyes are diamond blue, like her father’s. She’s half–American and half–Korean, a perfect fit to play the role of Seunghyun’s daughter in this movie. “Cream is a panda.”

Seunghyun has the urge to say that dolphin and panda most likely _won’t_ be bestfriends but clenching his mouth tight. “Must be cute.”

“They are,” she grins. Her blonde curls dance on her shoulder. “Do you have bestfriends?”

“I do,” Seunghyun answers. “I live with one of them,” he feels himself blushing and scowls mentally. He’s talking to a five –maybe six –years old little girl. She’s most likely not going to judge him for his life choice like adults would do. Kids weren’t born with hatred, they learned it. He feels bad for laughing at her choices of names for her stuffed animals before.

“And with your son too?” she pokes on Cookie’s belly. “Three people?”

“Yes, us three.”

“I have three in my house too. Daddy, mommy, and me.”

“Also Cookie and Cream?”

She hums thoughtfully then looks up to him. “I miss mommy.”

“She must be proud of you,” Seunghyun strokes her hair and she scoots closer, already comfortable enough to lean on him.

“Do you miss your son too, Mr. Choi?”

“Seunghyun, you can call me Seunghyun,” he smiles. “I do, I really do miss him. His name is Ken.”

“Ken,” she repeats. “Does he like dolphins?”

“No,” Seunghyun laughs. “He loves kangaroos.”

_It’s Seunghyun–hyung’s fault,_ Daesung would tell everyone. _He started this all_. Technically, yes, Seunghyun did. He didn’t mean it though. Who knows that a two days trip to Australia and his only gift, a 30 centimeters tall kangaroo plushie would make his son decided to collect things about that mammal? Not only their relatives, but Seunghyun himself had gone troubled to find anything kangaroos for his son. Ken’s second favorite is penguin and that doesn’t make it easier.

“It’s started with _K_ like Ken,” Amy says proudly. “I know alphabets.”

Seunghyun didn’t –never –think about it before. He will definitely tell Ken about it later, he can’t wait to see the joy in his son’s eyes. Ken would love it for sure, maybe even more than that kangaroo costume Jiyong gave him three months ago. Seunghyun could only stare with jealousy as his son jumped happily even calling Jiyong ‘ _appa’_ as the Kwon had requested, only because he loves to mess up with Seunghyun.

He wonders if his son is wearing it, if he is holding his kangaroo plushie, if he is missing Seunghyun as much as Seunghyun does missing him right now, in the weather where one will choose to stay home than working in a faraway place.

***

_“Appa,” Ken stood by his bedroom door as Seunghyun put his shoes on._ _“Same.”_

_Seunghyun stares at his jacket then at his son’s shirt. Both has stars pattern printed on it, colors of blue and black. “Yay, we match!”_

_Ken laughs and the sound bubbling in the air, surrounding Seunghyun with sudden emotion swelling inside him. He didn’t want to leave. “Daesung–appa not match.”_

_Daesung emerged from the kitchen, holding a mug of his morning tea, shirtless as always before 9 a.m. “About what?”_

_Seunghyun smirked. “Daesung–appa’s shirt is always invisible.”_

_“Is not,” Daesung pouted but Ken laughed louder, running to Seunghyun’s arms to give him a bye–bye hug. His son’s scent was a mixture of honey and sweat, the smell of home Seunghyun would love to take with him anywhere._

_“Be a good boy, hmm?”_

_“I am a good boy,” Ken sings. Seunghyun made a mental note to yell at Youngbae later for teaching his son that song. Judging by the way he wiggled, it seemed like Youngbae had taught him the dance moves too._

_“That’s my boy,” Seunghyun patted his back, reluctant to pull away but had to. Daesung gave him a hug too, a whisper of_ I love you _and squeeze on his arm._

_“That’s my appa,” Ken smiled as Seunghyun took one more glance at him before joining his driver in the car._

***

Amy, turns out to be an amazing actress. She didn’t speak many lines but her face gave out the expressions that left everyone in awe. Everybody claps and congratulates her for her acting, nobody expected this little girl to be able to help them wrapping up the scene this fast. She blushes and mutters a soft _thank you_ , her eyes scanning the crowding staffs before looking up at Seunghyun.

“Daddy is not here,” her smile falters and Seunghyun’s heart clenched. He had seen the same expression in his son’s face the day they waited in the airport only to be told that Daesung’s flight had been delayed. Ken didn’t say much as they made their way back home but his silence was worse than his pout. By the time Daesung came home, seven hours longer than predicted, the quiet had turned to tears, a heart–wrenching _welcome home_ greeting that made Seunghyun promised himself to never leave his son longer than three days.

It’s been three days and Seunghyun longs to sleep in his own bed, to drink coffee from his favorite mug. He longs for the sound of Daesung practicing his drumming skill with Ken on his lap, bobbing his head along to the rhythm.

“I’m sure he will be here soon,” Seunghyun squeezes her hand as they walk to the plastic chairs, to sit and wait for their next scene, the last for today. “Do you want me to call him?”

Amy holds her dolphin dearly and shakes her head. “Daddy will be worried.”

Seunghyun knows that too, of course. He feels it himself whenever he gets calls from Daesung or his mom or Daesung’s mother or his sister or even Daesung’s sister, anyone who is in charge of taking care of Ken for the day. A collision of worry and joy, a hope for good news or just listening to Ken’s voice, a hope that nothing bad had happened to him.

“Ken doesn’t like spinach,” Seunghyun says, offering a topic he wishes would distract Amy’s mind. And maybe, his own mind too. “He says it looks like grass floating in his bowl.”

“I don’t like carrot,” she picks on her pink dress. “But it’s good for my eyes.”

“It is,” Seunghyun agrees cheerfully. “Ken loves carrot the most because it’s not green.”

“Cookie will be disappointed,” she laughs then whispers, “I won’t tell her.”

“Thank you,” Seunghyun plays along, lowering his voice.

She giggles, “I love pink the most.”

“Me too,” Seunghyun take out his phone and shows her the pink case. “Pink.”

She squeals happily. “I have pink toothbrush and bedsheet!”

The make–up artist ladies come to do Amy’s face. She doesn’t need a lot, Seunghyun feels bad for her young face to suffer the blush on, the lipstick and anything else that need to make her fit her role. Amy closes her eyes and lets her face be done.

Seunghyun leans back on his seat and turns his phone on. His wallpaper is a picture of Ken in Daesung’s arms, both smiling under a Christmas tree. It was taken last December, on Christmas Eve, and because they’re always free on Christmas day, they managed to have time to watch their son for a full one day together.

“Is that Ken?”

Amy’s voice startles Seunghyun. “Oh? Yes, yes it’s him.”

“He is cute,” she leans to Seunghyun’s side to look at the picture better. “Is this your bestfriend?”

“Yes,” Seunghyun looks up to find the make–up artist noona smiling fondly at him. He had known her for years and she had seen and heard about him and Daesung for years too. Seunghyun feels his cheeks flaming hot as he recalled the day he announced that they’re together, Daesung and him, and all the noonas clapped their hands and groaning _finally, it took you guys so long_.

“He is cute too.”

“Thank you,” Seunghyun laughs. “You’re cute too, Amy.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

She smiles and holds his hand as he lets creams and foundation being applied on his face.

***

Amy’s father is stuck on the traffic. Seunghyun told her the news and let her speak to her father using his phone. She told her father about their scenes and the shoes she got to wear during it, one that looked like Cinderella’s. Finally, after ten minutes, she gives Seunghyun’s phone back and her father apologies immediately.

“I’m sorry, did she get you into trouble?”

“No,” Seunghyun thinks about his day. “She’s been helping me a lot, actually.”

“Really? How come?” his father, Seunghyun’s friend, asks in disbelief. “Tell me the truth, Seunghyun.”

“Really, hyung,” Seunghyun laughs. “She keeps me from running home.”

“Ah, homesickness,” his friend sighs. “Missing your son?”

“Everything about him.”

“Already forgetting the chocolate incident?”

Seunghyun had told him about that one day when Ken put his half–eaten Kitkat bar inside Seunghyun’s favorite shoes. He was already in the set when he discovered the reason why it felt _slimy_ and _sticky_ inside his shoes.

“No, never,” Seunghyun shakes his head. “But I’m missing him all the same.”

His friend sighs again. “Parents curse.”

“I guess so,” Seunghyun tells him. “I’ll wait with Amy. Be careful, hyung.”

“Thanks, Seunghyun.”

***

“Daddy doesn’t forget me, does he?”

Seunghyun blinks at her. “No, of course he doesn’t.”

Amy yawns and rubs her eyes. The sun is setting and her father is supposed to be here thirty minutes ago.

“He will be here soon,” Seunghyun reassures her, trying to come up with something to distract her from sadness. “Do you want to play?”

“He doesn’t forget about me?” she pats her dolphin. “I want daddy.”

“He’s coming here as fastest as he can,” Seunghyun squeezes her hand softly. “He wants to be with you too.”

“He goes out a lot,” Amy shrugs. “Sometimes I couldn’t even call daddy.”

Seunghyun thinks about himself, his son, his family. About those days when they barely had chance to talk, when his mother tucked Ken in bed while Daesung and him tumbling on their own bed, full of exhaustion, and when Daesung’s sister sent him a video of Ken laughing his heart out, and when Yeonjun called him to say that Ken had caught a cold.

“Your dad always thinks about you,” he says. His voice is tired and small but Amy is listening to him. “I’m sure of that.”

“Really? Why is that?”

“Because he is your dad,” Seunghyun smiles. “That’s what parents do.”

“You too, Mr. Seunghyun?”

“Of course,” he nods. The next moment, Amy bolts from her chair, running to her father’s arms. Seunghyun watches as her face glows with happiness, no traits about the tiring day anymore in her feature.

“Have you met Cookie?” Amy’s father smirks as he approaches him. “She makes sure everyone around her meets Cookie.”

Amy blushes in her father’s arms, whining a little. “I like Mr. Seunghyun,” she says.

“I like you too,” Seunghyun touches her nose and she giggles. “You have a wonderful daughter,” he tells his friend.

“Oh, just wait until you see her comments on my paintings,” his friend rolls his eyes and Seunghyun can’t help but laughing. “Are you going home now? Need a ride?”

“My driver will arrive shortly,” Seunghyun fishes out his phone from his pocket. “You should go home before its dark.”

“Thanks again, Seunghyun,” his friend pats his arm. “Spend a great time with your family, okay?”

“I will,” Seunghyun grins. “I can’t wait to be home.”

When his friend’s car disappears from his sight, his phone rings. The words on his screen is Daesung’s name.

“Appa!” Ken’s voice travels along the line like a rope to pull Seunghyun home. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Seunghyun closes his eyes, smiling at the vision of his son grinning from ear to ear, trapped permanently behind his eyelids. “I miss you so much.”

***


	3. Birthday Wishes

It’s going to be his birthday tomorrow. He will be four, a little bit more than three. He knows how to count to ten but sometimes he forgets what comes after seven. He used to forget which one is six and which one is nine, but recently he remembers them correctly. He can’t wait until his Seunghyun–appa comes home to teach him more about words.

“Ken?”

It’s his Daesung–appa’s voice, Ken would recognize it anywhere. His voice, Ken notices, usually is lower and softer in the morning, getting higher when the day gets more and more hours. He can’t read the clock yet, he wants his appa to teach him about it too. Maybe later when he’s five. How many hours left until he is five?

“Ken?” his appa sounds worried, his voice is getting closer. Probably he is on the stairs. They have stairs and he’s not allowed to run while going down or up. There is a painting of angels on the wall near the end of the stairs. Ken loves seeing their wings and he had seen pictures of his Daesung–appa with wings too. It’s white and wide, Ken wants to ask him if he could grow wings someday, he wants to know how it feels to fly.

“Ken? It’s almost eight,” it sounds like his appa is just by his bedroom door. It’s not locked, he’s not allowed to lock the door. He had left it open last night. He can’t see his appa because he’s facing the window, not the door.

“Ken? Are you sleeping?”

He wants to laugh because he knows that a sleeping person will not be able to hear questions or answer them so no he is not sleeping. He’s been awake for a while and he heard the hum from their vacuum cleaner earlier, the ringing sound of his Daesung–appa’s cellphone – _it’s his Seunghyun–appa’s Doom Dada song, the one Ken can’t sing the lyrics that it came out rather as da–da–da than any actual words, but Seunghyun–appa told him it’s okay because him too messed up with the lyrics once in a while_ –and of course, his name being called repeatedly by him. He wants to answer – _he had been told that not answering to someone calling your name is rude, he doesn’t like being rude to his appa especially when he promised him that they will have some cakes tomorrow_ –but his throat hurts badly and his body is hot. His eyes are watery, he doesn’t really want to move because his limbs feel funny. He doesn’t even want to eat his breakfast eventhough today’s menu is carrot, his favorite. His kangaroo plushie is watching him from his yellow chair.

“Ken?”

He feels his bed shifts like those times when Seunghyun–appa sneaked in to sleep with him. He loves that moment of waking up in his appa’s arms, it’s warmer than his blanket. But he loves having a room for himself too, he gets to put his favorite toys and crayons on the drawer. The drawer in his appa’s bedroom is full of bottles and tubes with labels that words printed so tiny, it makes him dizzy just by seeing it.

“Ken?” his Daesung–appa now sounds like he’s scared. His Daesung–appa gets scared a lot, he jumped at the sight of cockroach but Ken is a brave boy and he would pick the animal then throw it out their window, telling it not to come to their house anymore. Luckily, it was just one time. He feels his appa’s palm on his back then his neck then his forehead and hears him gasp then his face comes to his sight completely.

Again, Ken wants to laugh because his Daesung–appa’s eyes are so wide and usually they’re so small. It will disappear when he laughs and sometimes Ken does his _aegyo_ just to see it happen. His own eyes are big and not as pretty as his Daesung–appa’s or his Seunghyun–appa’s.

One of his Daesung–appa’s hand rests on his cheek as he uses the other to put his phone on his ear. He looks like he’s about to cry and Ken feels sad just by thinking about it. Seunghyun–appa isn’t scared of many things but he cries a lot; his Daesung–appa is the opposite.

“Appa,” he says and he sounds like Yeonjun–hyung’s robot figurine. It can talk and it frightens him a little. “Appa.”

His Daesung–appa is not listening to him. He is talking to Ken’s grandmother on the phone. Ken wants to talk to his grandmother too. Does she know that tomorrow is his birthday? Will she make him his favorite pancake like last week?

He reaches to touch his Daesung–appa’s hand. As always, it’s warm. Even as his pajama sticking on his body, like he’s been swimming with his clothes on, and his skin feels hot then cold then hot again, he wants to be as close as he can to the warmth of him.

His Daesung–appa moves to lie beside him, cuddling him closer and he feels so much better being in his arms. He wants to ask why his appa is shaking but before he does, he falls asleep.

***

He wakes up in a different pair of arms. It skinnier and paler, the sleeves are white.

“Appa,” he tries to speak and he coughs immediately, like someone just lit fire in his throat. His Seunghyun–appa’s hand draws soothing circle on his back until his coughing comes to a stop. He can’t smell his appa’s scent, his nose is stuffy.

“You have to drink a lot,” his Seunghyun–appa whispers against his ear. It tickles him like always but he doesn’t want to laugh. “I’ll be right back.”

Ken doesn’t want to drink. He doesn’t want his appa to go. He doesn’t know what he really wants and he doesn’t feel excited anymore about going out to pick his own gift from his Daesung–appa, so he starts to cry. It makes his Seunghyun–appa rushes back to his side to take him in his arms and Ken sobs against his shoulder. He knows that his cries often make his Seunghyun–appa cries too but he can’t help it.

“Is he awake?”

It’s his Daesung–appa’s voice.

“Yes,” his Seunghyun–appa answers, he sounds distressed. “He has to drink, he’s sweating a lot.”

Ken shakes his head lightly, his protest comes out in a weak groan. This time, his Seunghyun–appa carries him in his arms and starts to walk out from his room. He wraps his right arm around his Seunghyun–appa’s neck then extend his left hand to his Daesung–appa who is trailing behind them. They walk downstairs in silence like one quiet train.

***

“There,” his grandmother hands him his favorite plastic mug –a purple one with Eeyore in it –full of water. His throat still hurts and swallowing has becoming a hard task but his grandmother said that if he drinks a lot, she will make him pancakes tomorrow. He hopes his throat will not hurt anymore tomorrow, he wants to eat his cakes and blows his candles. Right now, he doesn’t even want to speak.

He feels a cold something on his forehead and when he touches it, it’s a sticker. He has stickers too in his room but never like this one. His stickers didn’t give cool sensation to his arm when he stuck one on his wrist before. He wanted to stick it on his wall but Daesung–appa said _no_. He got to stick it on his bedpost though so he didn’t whine much about it.

“Cooling sticker,” he tells his grandmother and she smiles. From the corner of his eyes, he can see both of his father smile too. It makes him feeling slightly better.

“It will help you getting rid of your fever,” she pats his cheeks and he nods. He wants some more _cooling_ stickers for his hands and stomach.

“What am I supposed to do?” his Daesung–appa sighs. His grandmother smacks his arm and glares at him. His Daesung–appa whines then pouts.

“Do you know what he told me?” his grandmother is now speaking to his Seunghyun–appa. “ _Eomma, Ken doesn’t answer me. I think he is sick and I think I’m going to die, come here please._ ”

His Seunghyun–appa sneers and his Daesung–appa smacks him in the arm. His grandmother laughs.

***

He is laying on his parents’ bed with his Seunghyun–appa by his left side and his Daesung–appa by his right side. His grandmother had left in the afternoon and she told him that she will come back tomorrow to get him his pancakes so he must rest a lot to get better very soon. He nodded and pinky–sweared her.

His Seunghyun–appa kisses his cheek and he snuggles closer to him, rolling to his side and buries his face against his Seunghyun–appa’s chest. His Daesung–appa is breathing against his back.

“Sleep,” he feels his Seunghyun–appa moves to give his Daesung–appa a kiss too. His Seunghyun–appa is in charge of giving kisses and pecks to everyone who’s being good. His Daesung–appa often refused to be kissed. He never refused kisses from Ken though, and Seunghyun–appa sometimes said that he’s jealous.

“I can’t,” his Daesung–appa says. “You should sleep, you’ve been working.”

“And you’ve been panicking.”

“We have.”

“Listen to your hyung,” his Seunghyun–appa whispers softly. He probably thinks that Ken is sleeping already. “Listen to me.”

His Daesung–appa sighs, again. He’s been sighing a lot today. “Hyung should listen to me too.”

“That I should sleep instead of you or that _Ken is sick and not waking up, hyung_?”

Ken knows his Seunghyun–appa is smiling even without opening his eyes to see it.

“Stop teasing me, I was scared,” his Daesung–appa clicks his tongue then shifts closer.

“I was scared too, Daesung,” his Seunghyun–appa’s voice is getting further and further away like it’s coming from the ceiling instead of just millimeters above his head. “He will be okay, we’ll take him to the doctor tomorrow if he’s not getting any better.”

“He has to get better.”

“He has to. Now sleep, my Daesung.”

“Not before you,” his Daesung–appa’s voice is slowly turning to a whisper and he can’t really make out the rest of his sentence. The last thing he feels before sleep claims him is his Daesung–appa’s arm around his waist and his Seunghyun–appa’s hand on his back.

The last thing he thinks about before he falls into dreamland is that now he knows what he wants for his present; his voice to be back, his throat to stop hurting, his eyes to stop crying, his body to stop aching and his parents to be always by his side just like tonight.


	4. Mine

Daesung rubs his temple as Seunghyun’s sister sighs.

“I’m sorry, Daesung,” she says softly, full of regret. “We didn’t mean to make him angry.”

“It’s okay, noona,” Daesung tries to smile his best smile, tries to reassure her that everything will be _just fine_. “He is just missing Seunghyun–hyung so much recently.”

“I’ll call Seunghyun, okay?”

“Don’t worry, noona, I’ll talk to Ken.”

“You sure?”

“I am. Thank you for taking care of Ken today, noona.”

“Anytime,” she hugs him tightly. “I really am so sorry.”

***

“Guess what.”

Ken looks up from his coloring book. “Hmm?”

“We will go to the zoo next week.”

“Really?” he jumps up and down, smiling widely. “Really, appa?”

“Really,” Daesung pats his head softly. “How many days is that in a week?”

“Six? Seven!” the toddler squeals. His hair is getting longer and Daesung makes a mental note to take him to hairdresser before the zoo. Ken doesn’t mind being introduced to new people but he doesn’t really like being touched. Probably the thought of seeing kangaroos will help him calming down while his hair is being cut. He needs to pick the outfit too, he doesn’t want the crowd to recognize them as much as he doesn’t want to stroll around in incognito mode. Ken had gotten used to the fact that both of his fathers have _fans_ but Daesung wants a day where they don’t have to share their moments with anyone else but each other. He’d probably call his manager tomorrow.

“Right, it’s seven days. Start counting from tomorrow, shall we?”

Ken nods. “Should I sleep now?”

“Are you sleepy?”

His son shakes his head. “No, but if I sleep it will be morning when I wake up.”

“And?” Daesung raises his eyebrow, confused.

“And then it will be six day left?” Ken smiles widely at his own idea and Daesung stifles his laugh. His son seems to think that when you’re sleeping, time will magically move faster. He glances at the clock, it’s almost 8 p.m. Seunghyun won’t be home before 10 and Daesung _needs_ to talk to him about their son.

“Well, let’s take shower?”

Ken grins widely and takes his hand, slightly dragging him to the bathroom.

***

Daesung flips the page and tries his best not to fall asleep in the living room. Wine makes him sleepier and he curses himself for not thinking about it before deciding what’s best to accompany him waiting for Seunghyun. He pinches the bridge of his nose and recalls what Seunghyun’s sister told him had happened today.

_“Daesung,” Seunghyun’s sister heaved a heavy sigh as soon as he entered her house. “I’m sorry.”_

_He opened his mouth to ask her why but she motioned him to go to the kitchen. Though he expected nothing, what he found later still shocked him._

_“Ken?”_

_His son jumped and ran straight to his arms, clutching tight onto his leather jacket. Daesung had never seen him this angry before, not even when he failed to fulfil his promise to take him to Disneyworld._

_“What happened?” he asked Yeonjun who looked down as if the floor was the most interesting thing in the room._

_The boy took nervous glance at his mom before he spoke, “I didn’t mean to make him mad.”_

_“I know you didn’t,” Daesung smiled at him and patted his shoulder. He knew that Yeonjun would never do anything to hurt his son on purpose. At the same time, he had no idea what could probably make his son this angry. It looked like he’d been crying too and Yeonjun’s face told him that he’s very deeply sorry. “And I’m not going to get mad at you, Yeonjun.”_

_Yeonjun nodded and whispered a sentence he couldn’t understand at first._

_“What? Ken saw Seunghyun–hyung’s new movie trailer?” Daesung could hear his son scowled against his shoulder but couldn’t really make out what he said._

_“I think he’s jealous,” Seunghyun’s sister offered him a glass of water which Daesung emptied within seconds after thanking her for it. “_

_“Jealous?” he haven’t seen it himself but he’s sure that it wasn’t_ that _kind of movie. He had read the script and it seemed tense but there’s nothing he found to be jealous about. Besides, it’s supposed to be him who’s jealous, not his son. Ken could barely read words and he didn’t really like watching TV or enjoying movies that much unless it’s his favorite cartoon. His baby preferred to draw or coloring those books Seunghyun had bought for him or helping Daesung to build his Lego creation. Ken loved sorting blocks by colors and Daesung always told him that he’s so much helper. It’d made Ken smiled so wide until he dimples shown._

_Yeonjun looked at his mom. Daesung knew that he’s contemplating on delivering the news or not._

_“Tell me,” Daesung nudged him. “It’s okay, I promise I won’t be mad.”_

_Seunghyun’s sister smiled. “I think he’s jealous because someone else called Seunghyun ‘appa’.”_

_“Who?” Daesung felt himself blushing for responding too quickly. He’s supposed to let it sink in first and now he felt ridiculous. “Ah, the movie. I know about it.”_

_Seunghyun’s sister shrugged. “Ken kept asking why is that_ noona _called his Seunghyun–appa ‘appa’ too.”_

_“What did you tell him?”_

_“That it’s just in the movie,” Yeonjun said. “That he is not really her appa.”_

_“My appa!” Ken shouted and it startled them all. Seunghyun’s sister sighed heavily, apologize written all over her face and Daesung had a hard time to not to sneer. Should he be proud that Ken is getting more and more possessive like Seunghyun or is this a bad thing?_

_“It’s your appa,” Daesung patted his son’s back and Ken pulled back to look at him, an adorable pout visible on his face. “Let’s go home and wait for Seunghyun–appa?”_

_Ken nodded hesitantly._

***

“What –” his heart jumps to his throat and Seunghyun’s face is just inch away from his. “Oh, hey.”

Seunghyun gives a quick kiss on his lips. “Why are you sleeping here?”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” Daesung yawns then stretches his limbs. Falling asleep on the sofa always give him aches on his back. “I was waiting for you.”

Seunghyun squeezes his hand softly. “Something wrong?”

“Yeah, but it’s more like your problem than mine,” Daesung pats Seunghyun’s shoulder and the latter frowns. “You should talk to Ken, hyung.”

“About what?”

“Oh, you won’t believe it,” Daesung grins and he really wants to laugh, now realizing how stupid this may sound. But this is a reality happening to his son and who knows how far the jealousy might develop later. Both of them work with different people from time to time and there are a lot of projects awaiting, with chances of Ken seeing them being close with other people increasing by day passes. They don’t let the media nor fans get in touch with their son that much, but the boy is growing up and his _why_ questions are getting more and more difficult to answer.

“Why won’t I believe it?” Seunghyun starts to get anxious. His expectation was to come home and sleep for at least 10 hours. “What happened?”

He looks so tired. Daesung would love to take him out too, just the three of them having a day together but it would be too difficult to be true, with Seunghyun’s face in every corner of the street, every news talking about his career and upcoming movie. Maybe it’s a good thing that they aren’t in the same level of fame in Korea, at least Daesung would attract less people while walking on the street. It would definitely change once their band starts the comeback though, which is the reason why Daesung insisted on having this day out with his toddler.

But first of all, they have one hell of a job.

“He’s jealous that Amy calls you appa,” Daesung leads Seunghyun to Ken’s bedroom, where the boy is sleeping soundly. His hands are wrapped around Brownie, his kangaroo plushie.

“What? When?” Seunghyun scratches his head, whispering slightly so that they won’t wake their toddler up. “Who?”

Daesung rolls his eyes. “The little girl in your movie.”

“Oh, she,” Seunghyun nods. “When?”

“ _In_ your movie, hyung.”

“Right,” Seunghyun stares at their sleeping son but he looks like he’s halfway to his own dreamland. “And?”

“Ken watched the movie trailer and was mad because someone else called you _appa_.”

“Why?” Seunghyun looks offended. “He is my only son.”

“I think it’s because he is _your_ son, duh,” Daesung sneers then gives up. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow.”

“I’m sleepy,” Seunghyun exhales loudly and Ken shifts in his sleep, making both of his father stiffen at the move. “Tomorrow, promise.”

“Just consider this as a warning,” Daesung says then drags the older male to their own bedroom. He doesn’t know if Ken will let this subject off or attack them with his best pouting face later. “We owe him explanations.”

“Oh baby,” Seunghyun sighs. “You’re my only one,” he drops himself unceremoniously on the bed, letting Daesung help him to take his shirt off.

“It’s not time to be cheesy, Seunghyun–hyung.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Ken,” Seunghyun mumbles. “I’m preparing my explanation.”

“No, you’re not. You’re sleeping with your head on _my_ pillow,” Daesung tries to push Seunghyun away. “And hands off, Mr. Choi.”

Seunghyun laughs weakly and snuggles even closer against Daesung’s chest. “Oh baby, you’re the only one.”

 

 

***

The first thing Seunghyun hears when he wake up is Ken’s scream of joy from downstairs. Daesung’s voice of _put your clothes on!_ follows slightly after _._ He silently smiles to himself, thinking that Daesung’s warn last night was nothing. He glances at the clock and smiles even wider, knowing that he just fulfilled his wish about sleeping for 10 hours.

“Ah,” he yawns. “Time to relax.”

***

“What are you making?” Seunghyun asks cheerfully, getting onto his knees, joining his son who is busy arranging his blocks on the coffee table. Daesung bought him a bucket of Lego blocks without instructions or exact picture to build last week, it’s been Ken’s favorite ever since. Seunghyun had some pictures of his creation; colony of ants (red blocks scattered on the floor), group of caterpillar (green blocks making a line on the table), and _my family_ (three black blocks side by side because they all have black hair).

Ken takes one glance at him. Seunghyun notices his pout but what throws him out of his good mood completely is the shrug. _His son_ never just shrugged at his question, ever. It doesn’t matter what day, what weather, what kind of occasion, he would always smile and explain and…well, never just shrug it off without a word.

“So,” Seunghyun tries again and reaches for the nearest abandoned yellow piece of Lego block. He can feel Daesung’s staring from the kitchen but he knows that the younger man won’t jump in the matter. Not because he’s heartless and wants to see Seunghyun struggles by himself, but because he knows so well that it’s Seunghyun whom Ken wishes to get explanation from. “Is it roses?”

Ken stands up and head towards Daesung, completely ignoring Seunghyun, whose eyes are so wide it almost popped out from its socket. “Appa, let’s eat.”

***

“Ken and I will go to the zoo next week,” Daesung tries to start a conversation. “Right, Ken?”

The toddler nods without looking up from his bowl.

“Ken? What did I say about people asking us questions?” Daesung strokes his son’s hair.

“Yes,” he finally stops playing with his food, but still not looking at Seunghyun eventhough the oldest man is sitting right in front of him. Their meal time were always full with chatters or jokes or stories about their days or plans…anything but silence. Ken never really stop speaking or asking questions whenever they get to spend times together. He’d tell his parents about what Yeonjun said, what his grandmother cooked for his lunch, or fairytale his aunt told him about.

“That would be great! Aren’t you excited to see kangaroos?” Seunghyun asks.

Ken stabs the tofu in his bowl with his plastic fork, keeping his mouth in a thin line.

“Ken,” Daesung warns.

“I want to see kangaroos,” his son nods and finally looks at Seunghyun. Seunghyun waits for his smile, anything that indicate the toddler isn’t mad at him anymore, but he’s greeted with a frown instead. “But Seunghyun–appa will be working.”

Seunghyun tries to swallow a sudden lump formed in his throat. “Yes.”

His son is already looking away again.

***

“He doesn’t even want to talk to me,” Seunghyun sighs. “What am I supposed to say when he’s not even looking at me?”

Daesung seems to think for a while before heading to their refrigerator. Taking out a bucket of ice cream, Oreo flavor as it’s Ken’s favorite, then hands it to Seunghyun.

“What?” Seunghyun blinks, confused. Daesung is their diet coach, aka the one who’s in charge of what to eat and when to eat and how many they’re supposed to eat. Both Ken and Seunghyun has sweet tooth and special place in their heart for snacks. The last time they got caught snacking at almost midnight, Daesung had made sure both of them had no ice cream for two months.

“Tell him that you sneaked out to get this ice cream for him,” Daesung shrugs, slightly doubting his own idea. “Probably it will make him talk.”

Seunghyun raises his eyebrows. “You’re going to let us have more than a scoop in a day?”

“No, you will have to do laundry for a week.”

Seunghyun groans. “Then no, thanks.”

“Fine,” Daesung puts the bucket back to the freezer. “I’m going to meet up with Jiyong–hyung –”

“What?” Seunghyun cuts him in. “You’re going out?”

“Yep.”

“But I thought we’re not going anywhere today?”

“You’re not,” Daesung pats Seunghyun’s cheek. “But I am. Jiyong–hyung needs help with something.”

Seunghyun groans. “Can’t you just stay home? How am I going to talk with Ken without you? He won’t want to do anything with me. How if he refuse to eat? Or take a bath? Or –”

“Talk to him,” Daesung rolls his eyes. “Tell him you didn’t mean that.”

“I didn’t mean _that_ ,” Seunghyun sighs loudly. “It was my role, it wasn’t that I had fun having someone else calling me _appa_.”

“Ken didn’t know that, hyung.”

“I work for him!” Seunghyun raises his voice, annoyed. “He didn’t have to be mad at me!”

A slight squeak startles them both. When Seunghyun turns around, Ken’s favorite plushie is laying on the floor with the boy’s retreating steps echoing through their house.

“If my son refuses to talk to me too, I’ll have to kick you out from this house,” Daesung glares at him.

***

“You’ll be my good son, won’t you, Ken?”

“Yes, appa,” the boy hugs Daesung tightly. Seunghyun stands by his side, waiting for his turn to bid a goodbye too.

“And you’ll be my good hyung, won’t you?” Daesung grins.

Seunghyun hits his head softly. “Of course! Tell Jiyong I say hi.”

“I will,” Daesung lets go of his son and moves to give Seunghyun a hug too. Usually, Ken would hold Seunghyun’s hand and watch until Daesung’s car was out of their sight, but when Seunghyun turns to his side, the toddler is already making his way back to his room.

“Talk,” Daesung reminds him.

***

“Brownie says that he is missing you,” Seunghyun sits on his son’s bed.

Ken is laying on his stomach, clutching his pink crayon. His sketch book that Seunghyun gave as his birthday present, lies open on his bed. He gives Seunghyun a glance, his best pout, but finally extends his hand to reach for his plushie.

“Are you drawing?” Seunghyun asks and when he sees that Ken doesn’t flinch, he scoots a little closer to his son. “What are you drawing?”

Ken seems to still reluctant to answer but finally he mumbles, “Appa.”

“Hmm?” Seunghyun tries to look closer at his son’s drawing. It looks like a human stick drawing with pink head. “Daesung–appa?”

Ken shakes his head. “Seunghyun–appa,” he answers quietly.

“Me?” Seunghyun finally lies on his stomach beside him. “Do you like my pink hair?” he smiles. He showed his son pictures from his pink hair era and Ken had told him that he looked like cotton candy.

“Yes,” the toddler says then draws another human stick figure but this time with grey circle head.

“Who is that?” Seunghyun frowns.

Ken shrugs. Seunghyun waits but there’s no hint that he will get answer for his question.

“I know you’re mad at me,” he says finally. His son stops in the middle of his drawing and looks at him. This time, Seunghyun sees the hurt in his eyes. “I can’t explain it to you if you don’t even want to talk to me, _bubble_.”

Ken tries to hide his smile but Seunghyun catches a glimpse of it anyway. _Bubble_ is his favorite nickname because it’s started with _B_ , just like _Bunny_ Seunghyun and _Baby_ Daesung and _Brownie_ the kangaroo. Seungri had laughed at how childish their nicknames are but when Ken called him _Bro_ – _samchon,_ he smiled wide and asked him to call him that way again next time.

Seunghyun strokes his son’s hair and the boy leans to his touch. “Is that true that you’re mad because someone else called me _appa_?”

Ken nods. He forces Seunghyun to sit then wraps his arms around Seunghyun’s neck. “My appa.”

“I am your appa, Ken,” Seunghyun strokes his back and Ken sighs against his shoulder. “There are a lot of things I should probably explain to you but you have to remember this one thing. No matter what, I am your appa only, not someone else’s.”

“Really?” Ken pulls back then puts his ear against Seunghyun’s chest. It’s something Seunghyun often did to check if he had lied to him or not.

_“I’d know if you lie,” he said. “I’d know it by listening to your heartbeat”._

_“How?” Ken giggled as Seunghyun presses his ear on the boy’s chest._

_“The music would be different,” Seunghyun smiled._

_“Is it a good sound?” Ken continued to laugh. He is a ticklish person, Seunghyun often put his finger on his nape just to hear his laughter. “My heart?”_

_“It’s the best,” Seunghyun kissed Ken’s forehead. “The best sound I’ve ever heard.”_

_Ken titled his head. “How about Daesung–appa?”_

_Seunghyun shrugged. “Don’t you know already? Daesung is the big–sound.”_

_His son smiled._

Right now, he wishes for nothing but his son’s smile to be just as wide as that day.

“Really,” Seunghyun says softly. “Ask me about it, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

Ken looks up at him. Seunghyun loves his eyes, the curve of his mouth, the round of his cheeks, everything about his son. His skin is velvet soft, his smile is the rope to pull Seunghyun out from the darkness.

“Do you want to know why she called me appa?” Seunghyun asks. “Ken?”

Ken opens his mouth and his question is not something Seunghyun thought it would be. “Are you sometimes not my appa too?”

“What?”

Ken juts his lower lip slightly. “Now Seunghyun–appa is my appa. Later?”

“I am,” Seunghyun pinches his son’s nose playfully. “I always am.”

“Always?”

Seunghyun laughs. “Always. I was only her appa in the movie, Ken. Not in real life.”

Ken frowns.

Seunghyun takes the kangaroo plushie. “Remember when we played _Godzilla_ with Brownie?”

He does remember. They asked Daesung to build a good Lego tower only to have Brownie the Godzilla attacking the blocks when it’s done.

“When we’re done playing, Brownie came back to be a kangaroo, right?”

“Yes,” Ken reaches out his arms to cup Seunghyun’s cheeks. “Appa was playing?”

“I was,” Seunghyun watches a smile break in Ken’s face. “When I’m done, I’m just your appa.”

“Ooh,” his son’s eyes go wider but then disappear as he laughs. “So Seunghyun–appa is always my appa but sometimes playing as other’s appa?”

“Yes, something like that.”

“Okay,” Ken pats Seunghyun’s cheeks.

“Yeonjun–hyung didn’t tell you that?”

“Yeonjun–hyung didn’t tell about playing like Brownie.”

“What did he say to you?”

“That Seunghyun–appa is my appa,” Ken lowers his gaze. “That Appa was just _working_.”

“That’s true,” Seunghyun ruffles Ken’s hair. “I was working. That’s my work.”

“Appa wasn’t playing?” his son starts to pout again. Seunghyun laughs.

“Appa’s work is just like that, Ken. I have to play to be someone else. It’s…almost the same thing for me.”

“Then can you play at home?”

“At home?”

His son hums thoughtfully. “Daesung–appa said that Seunghyun–appa’s work was very far and I couldn’t call,” he taps Seunghyun’s arm. “But we can play at home, can appa play at home? Isn’t it the same?”

“Ken,” Seunghyun takes a deep breath. “I can’t. My work has to be done in a certain place. That’s why I had to go so far, so that we could get the best place. Just like we made a tall tower for Brownie. Understand?”

Ken nods hesitantly.

“You’ve heard Daesung–appa sung at home, right?” Seunghyun pokes his son’s cheek.

“Yes.”

“And you’ve watched him on stage too, right?”

“Yes, appa.”

“Why didn’t he just sing at home?”

“Because many people want to hear Daesung–appa’s singing too,” Ken answers.

“It’s just like that,” Seunghyun nuzzles his nose on Ken’s hair. “Sometimes adults have to go out to work for others, for people, for their family.”

“For family?”

“Yes, for the family. Appa works because there are a lot of people who want to watch the movie, also because I want to do my best so that you will be proud of me.”

“I am proud of Seunghyun–appa,” Ken sighs. “I’m sorry, appa.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Seunghyun says. “It doesn’t matter where I go, what I’m doing, I will come back home to you, Ken. I will always be your appa. I missed you a lot during those days, you know?”

“Me too,” Ken admits. “I cried.”

“You did?” Seunghyun frowns. Daesung didn’t tell him about it. Ken never did too, until today.

“Daesung–appa said let’s tell Seunghyun–appa later when appa came home.”

“Why is that?”

His son smiles. “Because appa would cry if appa knew I cried.”

“Oh, I would,” Seunghyun grins. “I would cry a lot.”

“Appa don’t cry,” Ken hurriedly says.

“I won’t,” Seunghyun kisses his nose. “As long as I know that my son is waiting for me at home.”

“I will!”

“No more pouting?”

“No more,” Ken promises and holds out his pinky. “Appa promise to be my appa?”

“Always,” Seunghyun entwines their pinky fingers together. “I promise.”

***


	5. Welcome Home!

He wakes up in stranger’s bed. No pillows, no blanket. He can’t recognize the room he’s in and his head throbs from just trying to remember about it. There are no windows, only a door, which fortunately unlocked. As soon as he gets out, it disappears into smoke.

He doesn’t know where he is but it’s all green grass. There’s single sunflower but it’s too far from his reach. He takes a step forward and the sky changes its color into sunset. He has to be home soon or Daesung will be worried and Ken, his son, will be crying. Another step and night falls, wind smells like betrayal and dust.

He is missing his family a lot.

He starts to run, he needs to come home. He wants to be home. All of sudden the soil breaks and crumbles, everything shakes as there’s nothing for him to hold onto. He starts to scream but the he feels familiar warmth embracing his skin as if he’s –

“Hyung, hyung!”

It’s Daesung. _His_ Daesung. He can’t see him but he’s everywhere, he is near, he can feel it –

“Appa!”

_Ken_ , just hearing to his voice making his heart aches. It’s his son. Home, he wants –no, he needs to –

“Appa, wake up!”

Seunghyun jolts awake, sweating buckets in his sweatshirt and pajama bottom. Ken is straddling his hips, his small hands are warm on Seunghyun’s chest. Beside him, Daesung’s eyes look bigger than usual, scared and worried.

“What…,” he wants to ask what happened but his throat is dry for speaking. His mind is still foggy with unpleasant dream.

Ken lets out a sigh and drapes himself on top of his Seunghyun–appa. Thankfully he’s only a small four years old boy or else he’ll be crushing Seunghyun.

“Bad dream?” Daesung strokes Seunghyun’s damp hair lovingly. “You were breathing fast and…moving too much in your sleep.”

“ _Moving?_ ”

“Appa moved but not awake,” Ken mumbles against Seunghyun’s collarbone. “I screamed.”

“You did?” Seunghyun kisses the top of his son’s head. “I was just too tired. I miss you.”

“I miss appa too,” his son replies quietly. “But appa had to work.”

Seunghyun takes a deep breath and squeezes Daesung’s hand. “You’re right.”

“Well,” Daesung lies beside him and Ken rolls off of Seunghyun’s body to lie in between his parents. “You’re home now.”

“I’m home,” Seunghyun smiles. “I’m home.”

“Welcome home, appa,” Ken pats Seunghyun’s stomach softly. “Now appa is awake. Can I have cookie?”

Daesung rolls his eyes. “What did I say, Ken?”

“I was asking Seunghyun–appa, not Daesung–appa!” the toddler sticks out his tongue which earns tickles from Daesung immediately.

Seunghyun laughs as the sound of Ken’s laughter reaches every corner of his bedroom and Daesung’s scent is all over the air he breathes.

He is home.


	6. Shopping Sunday

You’d look around. Your brain would be telling you that it’s not possible. That he’d be just there, standing his ground just as the way you told him to. Just like what you saw him the last time. Then, after your vision realizes that they couldn’t find the familiar figure it’s been memorizing its details, your heart would skip its beat. Just one though, because the next moment, it’d be running, pondering in your ribcage. Your throat would be closing and panic sunk deep in your stomach, making you sick. Tears; tears would find its way to your mouth, coating it with bitterness, before it claimed your eyes in a swept of a storm. So your legs would begin to kick, to roam your way, making weird patterns as if they had forgotten how to walk.

Your head, as it was the first to deny, was the last to admit; that your child went missing.

***

“What?” the manager sounds unimpressed, annoyed. “It’s Sunday, come on.”

“I’m serious,” Seunghyun whispers. He balls his fist, his nails piercing onto his skin. “Please.”

“It’s not funny,” the man on the other line sighs. “Let me speak to Daesung.”

“He’s not here,” Seunghyun tries to swallow the lump in his throat, his chest hurts from the fear. “He’s sick, he’s at home.”

“What the _hell_ did you actually do, Seunghyun?!” a sound of rustling and finally, finally a closing door. “I’m on my way.”

“Thank you,” Seunghyun wants to break down on his knees, probably weeping until it’s all back to how it’s supposed to be.

“Look around,” his manager commands. “He’s four! He can’t be too far.”

“I am looking!”

“Did he scream?”

“No!” Seunghyun runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “Just –I don’t hear anything!”

“Don’t tell anyone just yet, okay? If people know that he’s your son, they’d probably –”

“Probably after him, I know,” the reply comes a whimper. “Come here and help me, please? Or else I’d be calling police or whoever is in charge.”

A pause; seconds are ticking. “Have you called Daesung?”

“No,” a sob escapes past his lips. Seunghyun resists the urge to let himself cry. “I can’t, he’s down with fever last night.”

“All right, I’ll be there soon. Keep looking, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Seunghyun?”

“Hmm?”

“We’ll find him.”

“We will,” he repeats it like a chant. “We will.”

The connection goes dead. In front of him, there’s a long aisle of bottles, toothpaste tubes, bars of soap; of things he would happily describe to his son if only the boy was there, with him. He starts to walk around, steps aren’t following any maps but not aimlessly.

_Ken_ , Seunghyun says in his mind, wondering if one could really develop superhero power from a very critical situation. _Where are you?_

***

_A baby,_ Ken nods to himself. _A brown baby kangaroo._

It’s so tiny and lives inside a box. A transparent box that allows him to see through. There are a lot of the others but there’s only one of him. He knows the others’ name, he’d watch about them once and learnt about their names from his Yeonjun–hyung but this one, this kangaroo one, he can’t remember it.

_Boo?_ He asks quietly. _Moo?_

His eyes shift to its left, to another small box containing another baby. He knows about this yellow one. Although it’s not his favorite but it’s the easiest to find. He saw it in his appa’s old shoes and one of his grandma’s plate. He saw it in the bed lamp his appa bought for him but then being knocked down accidentally when he climbed off of his bed last summer. His grandmother gave him stickers of this yellow bear and there were a lot of it in a letter his appa received from a girl they met in an airport.

“Pooh,” he smiles to himself. He had seen bears in the zoo but none of them look like Pooh. Maybe he should go to another zoo? His Youngbae–samchon said that there is place in another country where he could literally touch a kangaroo. Probably that place also has a yellow bear with red shirt. Or shirt with another color, perhaps. The bears he’d seen don’t seem to fancy wearing any clothing piece but nobody was bothered by it.

Maybe if he were born bear, his appa wouldn’t be yelling at him for greeting their guest naked again. It was just one time and it was his grandfather, why would his appa be so embarrassed? His Daesung–appa’s face was as red as cherry!

That, and he could eat more sweets, just like Pooh.

“Excuse me.”

He looks up and see a lady, probably about his Seunghyun–appa’s height, is smiling at him.

“Do you want this one?” she asks, pointing at a box with pink Piglet inside.

Ken shakes his head. Piglet is cute, yes, but _too_ _pink_. He can’t find anyone else as pink as Piglet other than his Seunghyun–appa.

“Well then,” she reaches for the small box and take it. “I’m going to take it.”

Ken nods at her when she pats his cheek softly. Then he remembers something when the lady is almost disappear from the aisle.

“Here,” he gives her a box of Pooh. The lady frowns but he’s ready with a reason. “Pooh is friend.”

“ _Friend_?” she looks amused, half–smiling.

“Piglet and Pooh,” Ken explains to her. “Friends go together.”

She grins. Her cheeks are showing dimples, deeper than his Daesung–appa’s. “All right,” she nods his head. “I’ll take him too.”

Ken grins proudly before resuming back to his previous position.

***

Seunghyun has been looking in the aisle of jams, aisle of cooking utensils, through the breads section, even checking the ice cream corner near the cashiers.

_Pasta_ , he reminds himself. _They’re here to buy pasta_.

That and any other things in the grocery shopping list Daesung had made. The paper is thin, white in its glory with a D-Kun face on its corner.

Seunghyun wants to believe in the odds, that maybe, even as he’s the one clutching the list, his son will remember what’s written in it and actually _searching_ for it. He looks down at the scribbles and the tears block his vision until it’s blurry and hot. He can’t remember what kind of pasta they’re looking for, so how could his son? He can’t remember what else they need to make it so how could his son?

He sniffs and thankful that at least, he’s wearing a mask. Still, it’s hard to tame his heart since it’s never his to begin with. It always belongs to his family, to Daesung, to his son, to everyone he cares deeply about. That’s why they can’t just go missing.

“Ken,” he calls out as if his toddler is just beside him. “Look, your favorite cookie.”

Staring back at him only racks of snacks, mocking his ability to keep his child safe.

“Excuse me,” someone taps his shoulder and Seunghyun quickly turns around, afraid that his identity might be known.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes when he realizes that he’s been blocking her way.

“It’s all right,” she laughs. She puts two packs of Oreo in her cart, beside a small box of Piglet Tsum Tsum plush and a –

“Pooh,” Seunghyun says unconsciously. He’s met with a confused stare when he lifts his head. “My son likes the movie.”

“Oh,” she smiles. “I’m actually a fan of Piglet,” she admits with an embarrassed laugh. “But someone told me that Piglet goes with Pooh because they’re friends so…Pooh is coming home too.”

Seunghyun feels his heart pulsing at his ears. “That sounds like something my son would say.”

“I think kids think alike,” she grins. “Well, nice to talk to you.”

“Yeah,” Seunghyun blinks back a tear. “Have a –have a nice day.”

***

“Eight…Nine,” Ken mumbles quietly.

There are seven boxes of Eeyore left and nine of Tiger. He can count them all because they’re less than twenty. He is counting Piglet boxes when a boy bends down beside him.

The boy looks like he’s just crying, his eyes are a little bit swollen and his nose is red like that Santa’s famous reindeer. He seems to be fascinated by the plushies too.

_Probably he likes Eeyore_ , Ken thinks. His favorite mug has Eeyore in it; Eeyore and his personal grey cloud. Ken wants his own cloud too but his appa said that it’s not possible.

_“Why not?” he asked. “Can I buy from store?”_

_“No, it’s not available in the store,” his Seunghyun–appa said. “It’s only cartoon, Bubble.”_

_“But you had cloud before, appa.”_

_“Me? When?”_

_“Appa had sweet pink cloud!”_

_“Oh, Sweetheart,” his Seunghyun–appa ruffled his hair. “It was a cotton candy!”_

 

“I want the Mickey one.”

He’s startled by the sudden voice beside him. It was a girl and a boy and they’re holding hands.

“Then I’ll get the Minnie,” the girl smiles widely as she takes two boxes. “Couple, eh?”

The boy rolls his eyes. “Anything for you, my dear.”

The girl laughs aloud but then stops abruptly when she sees Ken. “Oh–my–God,” she hits her boyfriend’s shoulder. “Look.”

“What?” the boy clicks his tongue. “A kid?”

“Don’t you think he looks like _that_ Ken?” she whispers and it makes Ken uncomfortable. His parents whispered only if they’re fighting, he hates it a lot.

“Your relative?” the boy raises his eyebrows skeptically. “He doesn’t look like you.”

“No!” the girl pinches his boyfriend’s arm. “It’s BIGBANG’s –”

“We are on a date and you’re going to fangirl? Fine,” the boy cuts her in and walks away.

The girl takes another glance at him, then follows his boyfriend with a whine.

Ken sighs. He looks at the other kid who’s still staring at those boxes of plushie. Taking a step closer, and another one when the kid doesn’t seem to be bothered, Ken, too, resumes to admire the small boxes of tiny dolls.

***

“Always Bigbang!”

Seunghyun jumps at the shout and surely some other people around him do too.

“It’s not like that,” the girl, probably twenty something, sighs. “Honey, you’re the most handsome one for me!”

“But you keep their photos in your room instead of mine!” the boy wearing a baseball cap shouts again. “It’s like they’re your boyfriend instead of mine.”

“Well,” the girl shrugs. “True.”

An old lady beside Seunghyun snickers as the boy’s jaw drops at his girlfriend’s statement.

“They’re my boyfriends, just like you,” she grins. “Fod God’s sake,” she adds with more seriousness in her voice. “You’re my one and only.”

Seunghyun wants to laugh if only he’s not risking the revelation of his identity. A woman doesn’t even hesitate to make a weird face as she overheard the couple’s bickering.

“Really?” the boy pouts. “Only me?”

“Only you, my darling,” the girl winks. Seunghyun has to turn around before he witnesses another sickening–sweet couple talk. Probably that’s how the others felt whenever he flirted with Daesung. Well, he didn’t do it that much anymore, especially after Ken entered their life.

At the thought of his son, his stomach churned. The four year–old boy is now the center of their house, the life of Seunghyun. It’s hard to go on a day without hearing his voice or even seeing his pictures. When they took him, Seunghyun thought it was to save the baby’s life. To help him to get through this world, to teach him, to give him everything he deserves.

So when did it shift, when was the table turned the other way around.

Suddenly it’s Ken who’s been busy saving his life; from boredom, from stress, from depression. Suddenly, it’s the toddler who had hold me to get through this world, taught him to be a better person, gave him all the happiness he never thought he deserved.

“Where did you get it?”

For the second time in today, Seunhyun jumps out of surprise. It was the old lady beside him, poiting at the object in the girl’s hand.

“Oh, Tsum Tsum plushie,” she answers politely. “It’s very popular these days, you can find it in the aisle next to this one.”

“Thank you,” the old lady says. “I want to buy it for my grandchildren.

_I want to buy it too,_ Seunghyun thinks bitterly, staring at a medium size bunny plushie in the rack beside him. He probably will, if he ever finds his son.

Walking faster, setting his eyes in a new direction, he finds a new courage. He will find his son.

***

It’s one, only one.

Ken is sure because he had checked the aisle. There’s no other baby kangaroo in the racks, not behind the box of this one too, unlike the others. What happened to the other kangaroos? Had people took them home? Or was it simply just this one from the very beginning?

But the others have many boxes of them, so there must be at least five kangaroos, right? How could people leave this one alone?

It can’t be. Seunghyun–appa had told him that he’s getting too many kangaroos recently it’s starting to become their family’s obsession instead of just Ken. He had heard his Daesung–appa laughed at the sudden visit from his aunt at one night, just before they all brushed their teeth, because she had find a small kangaroo statue that looks a lot like the real one.

_“For you,” his aunt grinned from ear to ear. “Be careful.”_

_Ken nodded as he held the cool thing in his hand._

_“Don’t drop it or it will break,” his aunt said before she went back to her own house._

Could it be that the other baby kangaroos broke before he arrived? What if this one too? He has to take it home.

So he reaches to take it, but another arm beats his. It’s the kid who’s been beside him all these time.

“I’m taking this one,” the older boy states then runs from the aisle and disappears.

Ken’s lips quiver from the fact that a baby kangaroo he’s been staring at being stolen from him _in front of his eyes_. He runs back to the place where his Seunghyun–appa been picking soap, ready to tell his appa what just happened and maybe, with some luck, they would manage to get the baby kangaroo back.

But his Seunghyun–appa is no longer there…or anywhere in this aisle.

***

“I’m panicking,” Seunghyun blurts out as soon as his manager gets by his side. “Can we call the police now?”

“Seunghyun,” the man sighs. He’s panicking too, of course, but one of them must _try_ to stay calm and Seunghyun is having none of it, judging by the way he’s pacing around, eyes are scanning everything it can reach. “First of all, I don’t think someone kidnaped him.”

Seunghyun’s face is white behind his mask, his hands are trembling in fear. “But they _might_?”

“No, they won’t,” the manager quickly says. “Have you ask the guars?”

“You said not to mention anything to anyone!”

“All right, let me ask the guards first.”

“Wait!” Seunghyun clings onto him tightly. “Are you just going to leave me here?”

His manager levels him down with a stare. “You continue to look around while I’m asking the security team, Seunghyun.”

“Okay,” Seunghyun finally lets him go. “Call me if you find anything?”

“What else am I going to do?” the man pats his shoulder before heading back to near the entrance.

Seunghyun takes a deep breath and steps into adventure to another aisle.

***

“Macaroni,” Ken reaches to take a box of his favorite pasta. He looks around the aisle but there’s no sign of his Seunghyun–appa. Could it be that his appa forgot to take the macaroni? His Daesung–appa would be mad if so.

Well, that, if he manages to get up from his bed.

The toddler sighs. His Daesung–appa was _cooler_ this morning. He knows because he had touched his forehead when his appa was asleep last night; burning, as if he’d swallow fire. That was his only way to touch his appa because if he’s awake, he wouldn’t let anyone get closer to him.

_“Take him downstairs,” his Daesung –appa said. His voice creaked like the witch in Hansel and Gretel movie they once watched during his appa’s day off. “I don’t want to make him sick too.”_

_“He wants to see you,” his Seunghyun–appa rolled his eyes but obeyed the command nonetheless._

_“Appa!” he protested as he’s being carried in his Seunghyun–appa’s arms. “I want Daesung–appa!”_

_“He’s sick, bubble,” his Seunghyun–appa sighed. “You’re stuck with me until he’s feeling better.”_

_“But appa is cooler…”_

_“Still, he’s not fully recovered yet, Ken.”_

_“I can sing for Daesung–appa.”_

_“What he needs is medicine and enough sleep,” his Seunghyun–appa opened their fridge. “Oops.”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Seems like we’re running out of…everything.”_

_“Shopping?” Ken smiled. Everytime they ran out of something, they would go shopping. “I want to shopping!”_

_“That’s what we’re going to do.”_

_He frowned. “With Seunghyun–appa?” he asked. He was always go shopping with his Daesung–appa._

_“Yes, me. What are we going to get for meal?”_

_“Macaroni cheese!”_

_His Seunghyun –appa laughed. “Sounds good but Daesung might not like it.”_

_“Daesung–appa get tofu?”_

_“Perfect!”_

“Tofu!” he exclaims and the lady with purple nails raises her eyebrows at him. He bows slightly to apologize, remembering that his appa said not to shout in public places.

“Ah, so cute,” she crouches down to get eye–level with him. “What’s your name?”

“Ken,” he answers with a smile. Another thing his appa told him about manner, always be polite to people. “I am four.”

“Oh, you know your own age? Very smart,” she claps her hands as praise. “Are you...” she looks around. There’s only her and Ken alone in this aisle. “…what are you doing here?”

“Shopping,” Ken tells her. “I want macaroni.”

“Yeah, I see you have a box already, but where are your parents?”

He shrugs.

She frowns at him. “Did your parents leave you alone?”

Ken thinks for a while then shakes his head. “No, I leave appa,” he bites his lip. Suddenly he feels so _so_ sad. What if his Seunghyun–appa cries for not being able to see the baby kangaroo? He should take his appa with him.

“Come on,” the lady holds out her hand. “I’ll take you to guard. We might find your parents there.”

He lits up at the offer. Just as he’s about to hold her hand, the lady’s phone rings.

“Wait a second,” she says. “Hello? Yes, I’m getting you banana,” she mumbles to her phone. “What? I can’t hear you.”

Ken watches her walk away to the end of the aisle. Should he follow her? Should he just wait for her?

“Spa –oh, here it is!”

He turned around at the voice, only to see the older boy who had taken the baby kangaroo reaching a box of spaghetti before quickly disappearing into the next aisle. He rushes to follow him, in hope of chance to see the plushie once again.

***

“Have you find him?”

“Seunghyun,” his manager is probably rolling his eyes. “It’s only been two minutes.”

“Well, have you asked the security?”

“Yes, I have,” the manager answers. “They said that there was no children coming in or out without any guardian.”

“It means he’s still in this _damn_ supermarket,” Seunghyun hisses. His veins are breathing in his skin like hungry snakes, he swears he can hear his blood running inside. “I’m checking the toiletries section.”

“Have you tried the snacks one?”

“Yes, twice,” Seunghyun walks through the aisle quickly, bottles of shampoo are watching him. “And this is my second time checking on this section either.”

“Cakes?”

Seunghyun makes his way to the cake section, running, almost tripping on his own feet. “No,” he swallows down his hope. “No children.”

“He is smart,” his manager hums. “What did you go shopping for?”

“Food,” Seunghyun fishes for a cruble of paper that used to be his grocery shopping list inside his pocket. “Macaroni and tofu for Daesung,” his voice wavers as he speaks of Daesung’s name. “Toothbrush. It’s a long list, do you want me to read it?”

“Have you checked the food section?”

“I’m sure that I’ve checked the aisle of _fucking_ cookies.”

“Well, the macaroni one, you silly,” his manager clicks his tongue in annoyance. “That was what Ken wanted to buy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Go, Seunghyun. I’m asking them to take me to the control room.”

“Why?”

“To see through the security cameras, Choi Seunghyun.”

“All right,” Seunghyun pinches the bridge of his nose. “Call me as soon as you find anything.”

“Yes, yes. And you, pasta section.”

***

“Are you following me?”

Ken refuses to back off, even as the boy narrows his eyes. “Can I see kangaroo?”

“Kangaroo?” the boy snickers. “Do you think it’s a zoo?”

“No,” Ken pouts. He knows what _zoo_ is and clearly, this is not it. “Baby kangaroo.”

“What are you talking about,” the boy mumbles and walks faster.

The toddler runs to catch up with him. “Kangaroo, I want to see again!”

“Are you crazy?” the boy frowns, confused. “Where are your parents?”

“I want appa to see kangaroo too,” Ken feels tears are closing in his eyes. “Please?”

The boy sighs and finally looks at him. “Look, kid, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Pooh kangaroo!”

“Pooh?”

“Small,” Ken tries to explain. He can’t remember its name and it frustrates him so much. Boo? Doo? Hoo? What’s the name again?

The boy blinks, waiting.

“Brown,” the toddler chokes out a sob, finally. “Kangaroo.”

“Oh!” the older kid gasps. “You meant the plushie? Roo?”

“Roo!” Ken wipes the tear that rolls down his cheek before nodding.

“I put it in the cart. It’s with my mom,” he looks around. “We need to find my mom first.”

“Can we find appa also?”

The boy snorts. “Whatever you say, kiddo.”

***

No, there’s no Ken.

Seunghyun grits his teeth. Guilt and fear are making him sick and he can’t just call out his son’s name. All for the sake because he is Choi Seunghyun. But all parents are the same when it comes to their children, right?

_I can_ , he thinks silently. _I can just shout his name then he’ll come running to me. It doesn’t matter if the whole country knows that he’d lost his son in a supermarket as long as he gets Ken back._

Seunghyun smacks himself mentally.

“Stupid,” he mutters under his breath. “What if someone reaches Ken faster than I do?” he tries to clear his head. “I need to keep –Ouch!”

“I’m sorry,” the lady who bumped against him apologizes immediately. “I didn’t see you.”

“It’s okay,” Seunghyun ducks his head, avoiding the woman’s stare. “I’m okay.”

“All right, then,” she shrugs. “By any chance, did you see a kid here?”

Seunghyun’s posture straightens up. “A kid? A boy?”

“Yes,” she raises his eyebrows. “He was here before.”

“How old…how old is he?” strength bubbles in Seunghyun’s stomach like medicine. “Can you describe him?”

“Why?” the lady eyes him suspiciously. “Who are you?”

“That –” Seunghyun takes a deep breath, steadying his voice. “That might be my son.”

“Your son?”

“Yes,” Seunghyun clears his throat. “He’s this tall,” he describes his son. “He is wearing a red sweater with…” he closes his eyes, trying to remember the last time he saw Ken. “…with Iron Man. Shoes, he’s wearing a black shoes.”

The lady takes a sharp breath.

“You saw him?” Seunghyun feels the joy overtaking his body. “You saw –Ah!” he stares wide eyes at the purse the woman just used to hit him. “What’s wrong with you?!”

“Me?” she shouts back. “What’s wrong with _you_?! Leaving your child alone in a supermarket!”

Seunghyun shushes her. “Shhh! I didn’t!”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I swear I didn’t leave him!”

“Uh–huh.”

“Look –”

“Wait,” she cuts him in, narrowing her eyes. “Why would you wear mask and sunglasses while shopping?”

Seunghyun gulps hard. _Anything_ , he inhales deeply. _Anything for Ken_.

Suddenly she steps back, guarding herself with her thick purse.

“What now?”

“Are you after small kids, huh?!” she trembles in fear. “Someone, help!!!!!!!!!”

***

“Thank you,” Ken grins happily as the boy hands him the transparent box containing the small kangaroo plushie. “Can I have kangaroo?”

“Well, you have to buy it, you know,” the older kid laughs at him. “I doubt you even have money.”

“I have,” Ken tells him proudly. “At home.”

The boy shrugs. “Now go, don’t bother me anymore, kiddo.”

The toddler tilts his head to the side. “Hyung is mad?”

“Mad? Over a stupid plushie? No way!” the boy says amusedly. “Now, go. Don’t bother me anymore.”

Ken looks down. “But, appa –”

“WAIT! WAIT! I’M NOT A BAD GUY!!!”

Both of the kids are startled by the scream that seems to be coming from around the food section. Everyone quickly gathers together to see what’s happening, blocking the view from the two boys.

“Heh, crazy man,” the older boy mocks.

Ken only sighs sadly, staring at the box of small kangaroo in his hands. It’s still as cute as the first time he saw it, but it doesn’t matter if he can’t find his Seunghyun–appa.

“Go, kid, go,” the boy urges him. “I have a sister and I don’t need any more sibling in my life.”

The toddler nods subtly but brighten up in the next moment. “Ice cream!” he announces excitedly. “Appa must buy ice cream!”

***

“I told you,” Seunghyun rubs his arm. “I was just looking for my son.”

The lady grins sheepishly, so do the two guards who dragged him to the security room.

“So,” Seunghyun’s manager scratches his head. “You met Ken.”

“I did,” the lady admits. “He said he’s looking for macaroni.”

“See?” the manager says with pride. “I told you to look in that section!”

“Then get accused to be child kidnapper, thanks,” Seunghyun mumbles as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Now where is my son?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs, feeling guilty. “I received a phone call and when I turned around, he’s gone.”

“Was it long before you met Mr. Choi?” one of the guard asks.

“No, just about…three minutes, probably? Or five… I don’t know,” she hesitates. “But not that long.”

“Then he must be still in this place,” Seunghyun’s manager stands, shoving his hands inside his jacket pockets. “Whom are you calling?” he tries to snatch Seunghyun’s phone from its owner.

“My mom,” Seunghyun’s body is screaming with frustration. “I need her or I’ll go insane.”

***

Ken sets the small box on his laps after sitting on the floor. People are walking around him, some are parents with their kids on the cart. He doesn’t really like sitting on it. He used to, though, it used to feel like a personal car and fun. But recently, he wanted to walk on his own, having a mini adventure through aisles beside his appa. His Daesung–appa always refused it, saying that he would allow him when Ken turned five for a _safety_ reason. He didn’t know what a safety reason was and seemed like his Seunghyun–appa didn’t know either because he let Ken walk alongside him on his own.

Suddenly, Ken wants to cry. He doesn’t want the plushie anymore. He wants to be with his appa and it is okay if he has to sit on the cart too while shopping. At least he won’t lose his appa, will he?

He wants to go home too. He wonders if his Daesung–appa is feeling better, if he will get to cuddle with him tonight. His aunt had bought him a story book with beautiful pictures. His Daesung–appa had promised him that he would read it aloud eventhough it’s in English. Ken loves hearing him speaking English. It sounds funny and colorful, like when trees branches being brushed by the wind.

He chokes out a sob. Beside him is a cooler full of ice cream. No, he doesn’t want ice cream. His Seunghyun–appa would probably want it, and maybe his Daesung–appa too, but he wants something else. He wants his bed and he wants Brownie. He should take Brownie to shopping too, so that he wouldn’t be alone like this.

Most of all, he wants his appa to comeback.

***

“We’ll find him,” Seunghyun’s mother looks like she’s just out of a cooking magazine, still with her dark blue apron and scent of kitchen. “Don’t you know that mothers are best in finding?”

“Please,” Seunghyun shamelessly leans on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be angry at you later,” his mom pats his cheek. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Seunghyun wraps his arm around her mother’s tightly.

“Your favorite section,” her steps are steady and strong, the only thing keeping Seunghyun still intact with earth. “The ice creams.”

“I’ve checked it,” Seunghyun states in sorrow. “He’s –”

“APPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Seunghyun’s head snapped at the sound, his eyes searching and finally, he sees him, his son, running to him with tears in his eyes. His legs give out and he crouches down, arms wide open, already waiting. His senses come to live when his son throws himself against him, warm and home, as comforting as it’s always been.

“I told you,” Seunghyun’s mother tells the manager, who’s rubbing his face in relief. “Mothers are the best in finding.”

***

“How was the shopping?” Daesung greets from the living room. He emerges a little bit later, shirtless and only in his favorite boxer short. “Just took shower, I feel better,” he announces, approaching Seunghyun and Ken, who are still standing at the doorway. “What –what?” he raises his eyebrows in concern upon seeing their red eyes and noses. “What happened?”

Seunghyun launches himself onto him and so does Ken, they sets Daesung stumble back few steps.

“What happened?” Daesung blinks rapidly, trying to fathom the situation. “Did –”

“How’s your fever?”

He stiffens instantly, surprised at the voice of Seunghyun’s mother. She enters his house a moment later.

“They’re having their moment,” she smiles. “I’m going to cook for you all.”

“Wait, what –what had happened?” Daesung asks dumbly, still stroking both Seunghyun and Ken’s hair. The older male sniffs against his shoulder and his son is hugging his leg tight.

“I’m going to tell you later,” Seunghyun’s mother winks. “But first of all, sweetheart, how about you get dressed properly?”

Daesung’s face turns ten thousand shades redder. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry!”


	7. At The Beginning

“Daesung.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m thinking about something.”

Daesung raises his eyebrow skeptically, watching Seunghyun over his cup of tea. “About having a puppy?”

“No,” Seunghyun laughs but it’s a nervous laugh. Daesung recognizes it immediately and puts his palm on Seunghyun’s cheek. The latter leans to his touch, eyes not meeting his. “About having a kid.”

Daesung chokes on his drink, coughing uncontrollably.

“I know it sounds crazy,” Seunghyun rushes to his side, patting the younger back’s softly. “It’s… insanely crazy.”

“It is,” Daesung spits out as soon as his cough subsided. “Whose idea was that?”

“Mine,” Seunghyun bites his lower lip. “My own.”

Daesung looks at him as if he’d never seen Seunghyun before. His heart is hammering in his chest as the signs drawn on him. Seunghyun is avoiding his stare, Seunghyun’s hands are balled into fists, Seunghyun is breathing hard.

“Oh my God, hyung,” he stands up from his chair abruptly, trembling. “You’re serious.”

Seunghyun takes a deep breath. “I am.”

“You can’t be…” Daesung wraps his arm around himself. He wishes for hell to be wide open and swallow him from the misery crawling from his legs to his head. Memories and dreams collide within his mind, creating a chaos over his heart. He walks out from their kitchen to their bedroom, manages to close the door before he pounds his fist on his chest to chase the pain away.

Seunghyun follows him not so long after, trying to find his courage before knocking on the door. Technically, it’s his bedroom too and he always joked that their bedroom was his area.

“Daesung?” he turns the door knob, finding the man he’s been living together for five years sitting on their bed, facing the walls. He can’t see Daesung’s face but he knows from the slumping of his shoulder that the younger man has no intention to talk about the matter anymore. “I’m sorry.”

Daesung doesn’t nod, doesn’t shake his head, doesn’t make any movement to show that he’d heard Seunghyun apology.

“Daesung,” Seunghyun walks closer to him, climbing on his bed and sits behind the slightly shorter male, wrapping his arms around the figure he loves so much. “Just forget it, okay? I’m sorry.”

Daesung trembles in his hold and Seunghyun’s heart hurts at the recognition. His Daesung is crying and he’s the one causing it. His Daesung doesn’t cry, not so much, never this much.

“Daesung…”

“Who?” Daesung asks finally, the question escapes his mouth like venom, his voice is shaking. “Who is she?”

“ _She?_ ” Seunghyun pulls him closer, Daesung’s back is warm against his chest but the tension around them is more than enough to kill. “Whom are you talking about?”

“Whoever bears your child,” the younger man struggles to escape Seunghyun’s embrace but the hold only tightened the more he moves. “Whoever you’re thinking about having kids with.”

“You,” Seunghyun says sternly, a matter of fact. “You misunderstood, Daesung.”

“Do you think we live in fanfiction, hyung?!” Daesung finally pushes him strong enough to let go. He stands and turn around to face Seunghyun, tears are still glistening in his eyes, face red with the thought of betrayal. But it’s only for a split second, because then, his mask crumples and he closes his eyes. “I know very well the risk of _this_ …of _us_.”

“It’s not what you think, Daesung,” Seunghyun takes Daesung’s hand in his and feels slight relief in his chest when Daesung doesn’t pull back. He strokes the other man’s back of hand with his thumb. “I wasn’t talking about having _my own_ children.”

Daesung snicker at him in an attempt to mock, and honestly, it frustrates Seunghyun. Even though Seunghyun is older, he is the child between them two and Daesung’s amount of patience is so much more beyond his. Seeing him in this state, trying to run away from what’s hurting him, attempting not to get more scars in his heart by pushing away other people; is frustrating.

Both of them are introverts who enjoy having their own spaces, their own place, their own peace. They enjoy whispering secrets and being loud about themselves when no one is looking. Seunghyun knows that he’s lucky to have someone who stays by his side even as he doesn’t understand Seunghyun’s preferences of art.

Seunghyun knows that he’s _very_ _damn_ lucky to have someone who never fails to love him even in his worst.

“I was talking about adoption,” he reaches to cup Daesung’s face with his palms. The younger’s eyes meet his and he hiccups, but there’s no sign of backing off.

“Adoption?” Daesung frowns. He didn’t see that coming from Seunghyun. He’d seen everything else that might come to them; love that fall apart, scars from separation, words people mutter about them, someone who wants to come in between; everything but _adoption_.

“Yeah,” Seunghyun lowers his stare again, stuttering to explain. “It was just…just an idea, Daesung,” he stands up from his seating position and leans forward to touch his forehead to Daesung’s. “I won’t trade this, _us_ , with something that might break us apart.”

“I –I don’t know,” Daesung is at lost at what to do. His finger fidgets awakwardly with Seunghyun’s edge of shirt and finally he glides them alongside the other’s back until it’s resting on Seunghyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Seunghyun kisses his lips _very_ softly. “I shouldn’t bring that up.”

“But you’re thinking about it, hyung,” Daesung’s breath ends up against Seunghyun’s skin when they lean for another kiss. “I want to know what you’re thinking about.”

“You,” Seunghyun answers his doubt with butterfly kisses alongside his neck. “Always you.”

***

Daesung lets out another deep sigh. Seunghyun is asleep beside him, his jaw relaxing and his feature is serene.

“Adoption,” Daesung whispers quietly so he won’t wake the older male up. He slides his hand until the tip of his fingers touching Seunghyun’s skin. It’s a lie if he never thought about having child. He admits belatedly that he’s not the best with kids, he often doesn’t know what to say or do or talk about. Most of times, he only threw jokes or treated them food or showed them his poor magic trick…or sang them children songs. He loves, _loves_ , spending times with his nephew or Yeonjun or any other kids around him, but to have one staying in his house, living with him under the same roof every day, sharing bathroom, shopping together for clothes, asking him questions he’s not sure he has the answers, counting on him, _his own child_ …

Seunghyun stirs in his sleep and Daesung quickly closes his eyes, trying to even his breathing. He feels the bed creaks and dips and Seunghyun’s lips on his. He feels the older male shifts him to lay against his chest then it’s quiet until he can hear Seunghyun’s heart beats in his ear. He pretends to sleep until Seunghyun’s arm goes heavy on his shoulder, until he hears soft snores.

When he opens his eyes, the thought still lingers in the air, clouding in his chest like ghost.

“Adoption,” Daesung whispers once again, a little bit louder this time until he’s sure the walls echoing his word.

***

Seunghyun wakes up alone in his bed. Daesung’s side is empty and tidy, as always, since the younger male sleeps like rock, unmoving. He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling. The digital clock on the bedside table tells him that it’s almost ten. Daesung must’ve gotten up early, probably done with breakfast already. He reaches for his phone to check his message and is reading one from his sister when he hears Daesung’s footsteaps approaching.

“Morning,” Seunghyun mumbles, eyes still on his phone as the younger male enters their bedroom.

“I made us food,” Daesung announces then laughs at Seunghyun’s suspicious glance. “Just coffee and sandwich.”

“You don’t drink coffee,” Seunghyun frowns, setting his phone on the bed. “And _sandwich_?”

“Bread, ham, lettuce,” Daesung says in a way of explanation. “I’m good with my water.”

“Water,” Seunghyun snickers. He stretches his limbs. “I thought you’ve had breakfast without me.”

“I was waiting for you,” the younger speaks hesitantly. “We need to talk,” with that, Daesung heads downstairs, leaving a confused Seunghyun alone.

***

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Daesung blurts out during Seunghyun’s third sip of his coffee. Seunghyun only stares at him blankly. “Adoption.”

Seunghyun puts his mug down but keeps his palm on it, absorbing the warmth from its surface. “And?” he asks softly. “It was just an idea. Like I said last night, what’s important to me is you.”

“ _Us_ ,” Daesung corrects him and smiles.

“Us,” Seunghyun parrots then reaches his hand to squeeze Daesung’s. “I’m glad that you thought about it.”

“I currently am,” the younger says cheekily, his eyes lit up and provides Seunghyun the eyesmile he loves the most. “Thinking about it.”

“What are you thinking about?”

Daesung sneers. “That I don’t know how to change diapers.”

“Oh God,” Seunghyun takes another sip of his coffee, one hand still lingers over Daesung’s. “Don’t talk about diapers during breakfast.”

“Seriously though,” Daesung laughs. “You’ll be the one doing that.”

Seunghyun can’t help but cringing at the thought. “No, thanks.”

“And who will teach him how to pee?” Daesung challenges again.

Seunghyun raises his eyebrows. “Excuse you? It has to be taught?”

“Never heard of potty training, big boy?” Daesung rolls his eyes. “Who will feed him everyday?”

“Me,” Seunghyun claims immediately. “You do the potty training one.”

“Ha ha,” Daesung glares at him. “Funny.”

“Who’s putting him to sleep?” Seunghyun bites on his sandwich. “What if he wakes up every 2 a.m.?”

“Then you get up and rock him back to sleep, Mr. Choi.”

“Mr. Kang, how about my beauty sleep?”

“Are you telling me to put my night cream in waste?”

“You and your beauty tricks,” Seunghyun shakes his head. “You rarely used it anymore.”

“You like me anyway,” Daesung blinks his eyes cutely.

Seunghyun playfully slaps his face. “I do.”

“You better do.”

“If I don’t?”

“I’ll kick you off of the bed.”

“Aww,” Seunghyun puts his unimpressed expression then back to seriousness. “You’re still putting him to sleep.”

“Yah, hyung!”

***

“May I know why?”

Seunghyun looks up from his phone. “ _Why_?”

Daesung shrugs then sits beside him. In front of them, the TV screen is playing a commercial break. “Where did you get the idea?” he plays with the edge of his sleeve. “Adoption,” he adds when Seunghyun doesn’t seem to get it.

The older male’s eyebrows taut in confusion. They haven’t talked about it anymore after the breakfast and it was like…five days ago? Why does Daesung insist on bringing it on again?

“I met someone,” Seunghyun says after a while. “A kid.”

“Oh,” Daesung tilts his head slightly to the side. He doesn’t look suspicious nor curious. “Where?”

“In an orphanage,” Seunghyun turns his phone off before setting it on the table beside him. “We were looking for kids to be cameos in the movie.”

“The movie you’re working on this entire summer?”

“Yeah.”

Daesung hums softly. “A boy?”

“A boy,” Seunghyun feels nervous of all sudden. It’s hard to explain his feeling, to describe about how he felt when he saw the little kid watching him from the doorway. “Two.”

“Two boys?”

“Two years old,” Seunghyun smiles. “A baby.”

“In…” Daesung has to pause to swallow the lump in his throat. “In an orpahanage?”

The older shrugs. “The world is a crazy place, you know that.”

“I do. But still…”

They bask in silence before Seunghyun speaks again. “I kind of…talked to him.”

“How?” Daesung lets a grin plays in his face. “You talked gibberish?”

Seunghyun juts his tongue out. “Don’t mock me.”

“I’m sorry. Continue, please.”

“I told him that he’s cute.”

“Sure, you did.”

“I did,” Seunghyun tries to defend himself. “And he smiled.”

“The baby.”

“The baby,” Seunghyun sighs. “He couldn’t talk just yet, not properly.”

“But?” Daesung asks as if he knows there’s something more to it.

“But I told him that…”

“That?”

Seunghyun bravely meet Daesung’s stare. “That I’ll comeback.”

Daesung’s eyes avoid his immediately.

***

“You don’t like chocolate.”

Daesung laughs. “I still don’t.”

“You just put five bars in our cart,” his mother asks suspiciously. “Seunghyun gets special treatment?”

“No,” Daesung wants to smack himself. “Sorry, I wasn’t –why are we…where are we?”

“Shopping, my son,” his mother strokes his hair and Daesung ducks his head in embarrassment. “Much in your head, hmm?”

Daesung sighs deeply. “Kind of.”

“Want to talk about it?” his mother offers.

Daesung looks around. It’s afternoon and not so many people do grocery shopping at this hour. “Seunghyun–hyung came up with an idea a week ago.”

“Seunghyun? What idea?”

“A child,” Daesung’s voice sinks into whisper. “Adoption.”

His mother doesn’t say anything, just holds his hand and guides him home.

***

It’s still there, his creation using beans when he was a kindergartner.

“I like it,” his mother says eventhough he didn’t ask. “You gave it to me for mother’s day.”

“I did,” Daesung feels tears are closing in his throat. He’s not easily crying but being with his mom often made him so. It’s hard to be strong in front of his mother, she’s always stronger. “It’s ugly.”

“It’s fine,” his mother takes him to his old bedroom and nostalgia attacks him in an instant. He sits on his old bed, waiting for his mother to close the door.

“We kind of get into a fight,” Daesung mutters his breath and his mother lets him speak without interruption. “Not _that_ kind of fight but…” he looks up to her to get some courage. “…like I’m afraid to say _wrong things_.”

“Like what, Daesung?”

“Like…it might be not the best for us.”

“Oh, Daesung,” his mother strokes his hair. “I know Seunghyun. He could be stubborn but about this kind of things…”

“That’s the problem,” Daesung sighs. “He’d told me that what matter the most is us, me and him. It was just an idea and that he wouldn’t talk about it anymore.”

“And?”

“And he didn’t,” Daesung swallows back a sob. “But I know that he’s _still_ thinking about it. He didn’t tell me because he’s afraid that I might not like it.”

“You didn’t like it?” his mother smiles softly.

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” the knot in Daesung’s stomach weighted. “I think…” he admits softly, it’s almost a whisper. “I think I’m afraid.”

“Afraid _of_?”

“I know nothing about kids,” he states quietly.

“Daesung,” his mother pats his cheek gently. “I used to not know too…and sometimes, I still don’t.”

“But –”

“Really,” his mother assures him. “Sometimes, I just don’t know how to make you happy.”

“You made me happy,” Daesung leans to her touch.

“It’s what you think,” she laughs. “It’s okay to be afraid, Daesung.”

***

“Where were you?” Seunghyun asks as soon Daesung steps inside their house. “You didn’t pick up your phone.”

“Went out with my mom,” Daesung tells him. Seunghyun’s expression is tight with concern and tiredness. “Have you eaten, hyung?”

“Yes I have, have you?”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence falls between them like curtain.

“Daesung…what happened?”

The said man gathers up all his courage to speak. “Hyung.”

“Hmm.”

“Tell me about it.”

“ _It_?”

“The kid,” Daesung takes a deep breath and suddenly the weight in his chest feels just as light as a feather. “Tell me about him.”

***

Daesung sneers. “Mr. Choi, I’m driving here.”

“Sorry,” Seunghyun grins sheepishly, still fidgeting in his seat. “Can’t help.”

“Nervous?”

“Very.”

Daesung offers a small smile as he hits the brake carefully. The car comes to a stop, waiting for the light to turn green. “It’s okay to be afraid, hyung.”

“I’m also excited,” Seunghyun shakes his head, trying to clear his mind. “Nervous, but excited.”

“I know,” Daesung laughs. “Me too.”

He had seen the kid. Well, through pictures and videos Seunghyun managed to get somewhere. He didn’t ask about it because he didn’t want Seunghyun to feel like sneaking behind his back. He could feel happiness radiant from Seunghyun everytime he asked to see more. _Show me_ , he said. _Everything you got_.

Daesung didn’t know what to think. The kid wasn’t a charming one, wasn’t the kind that would color magazine covers or commercials on television. The kid wasn’t one with blue eyes or beautiful smile. The kid was nothing of world’s standard of pretty.

But there’s something, a glint, a wink, a blink of _something_ when Daesung saw him turned around to look at the camera. There’s something in the expression, the way his lips curved into the faintest smile in one of his picture.

There’s definitely _something_ in a way he reached out to touch Seunghyun’s face in one video he’d seen. And his laugh when Seunghyun made faces at him, a laugh that set Daesung’s heart thundering in his ears.

After twelve days, they agreed to visit him.

“Daesung? The light is green.

“Ah, sorry,” Daesung blinks dumfoundedly. “I was spacing out.”

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah, just…excited,” he grins. “I really am.”

***

_A toddler,_ Daesung reminds himself in his head. _We’re just meeting a toddler_.

Beside him, Seunghyun is bouncing on his heels impatiently.

“Oh, Mr. Choi,” a lady greets them. “I thought you wouldn’t come back!”

“Well, I do now,” Seunghyun smiles nervously. “Is he here?”

“Yes, he is,” she says excitedly. “He’s been waiting to meet you again.”

“I’ve been waiting too,” Seunghyun can’t hide anymore of his excitement. “Oh, and this is Daesung.”

“Daesung,” the lady greets him and Daesung shakesher hand politely. “You are …”

“We’re together,” Seunghyun informs her, in a voice that doesn’t waver even a bit. Always so sure about his heart, Choi Seunghyun. “My Daesung.”

“ _Kang_ Daesung,” the younger’s male face glows redder. “Nice to meet you.”

“Can we see him now?” Seunghyun asks eagerly. “We bought him present.”

“We did?” Daesung’s eyes widen in surprise. They didn’t talk about present whatsoever, nor that he remembers going out shopping for it.

“I did,” Seunghyun grins. “It’s from us.”

“And what did you get?”

“You’ll see it later,” Seunghyun winks at him.

The lady smiles. “I’ll bring him out in a moment. Please wait.”

“Sure,” Daesung’s stomach churned with nervousness. “We’ll be just right here.”

***

The kid is smaller than what Daesung had imagine. He didn’t reach out to Seunghyun’s extended hand, nor the present, that turned out to be a teddy bear. There’s no smile in his face, no happiness like what Daesung had witnessed through a video.

“He thought that you wouldn’t come back,” the lady says softly as the toddler hugs his head low, refusing to meet Seunghyun’s gaze. “He’s been waiting to see you again but after few days…I think he is kind of…”

Seunghyun gets on his knees, his stomach is full with regret. “I’m sorry,” he whispers softly. “I should’ve come sooner.”

The kid takes a step back.

Daesung feels the pang of guilt in his chest as Seunghyun’s expression pained. The toddler lifts his head a little to look at Seunghyun, then very slowly, shifts his eyes to Daesung.

“Hello,” Daesung offers him a smile. “I’m Daesung.”

The baby takes another step closer to the lady but keeping his eyes on Daesung. Neither of them speak until Seunghyun breaks the silence.

“Remember what I told you about my house?” Seunghyun tries to cheer up the mood. “This is the person I’d been talking about.”

Daesung feels a tug of smile in the corner of his mouth. “I hope it was a good thing, whatever you told him about me.”

“It was,” Seunghyun laughs. At the sound of his laughter, the toddler smiles.

Again, it’s not the kind Daesung had seen in his pictures. Not the faint one, not the brightest, it’s something new. Something new that makes Daesung’s heart flip.

_Perfect._

“I’m sorry I come back just now,” Seunghyun says when the kid finally moves to shake his hand. “I’ve been keeping you waiting.”

The toddler only stares at their linked hands.

“It’s my fault,” Daesung apologies and the kid looks up at him, in a kind of dazed and suspicious stare, gnawing his lip. “We’re sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Seunghyun urges him to get closer to Daesung but the toddler quickly wraps his arms around Seunghyun’s neck and hides his face on Seunghyun’s shoulder.

The lady laughs at his action. “He’s not very good with new people.”

“Well, Daesung is,” Seunghyun scoops the baby in his arms, standing up. “He’s the goofy one.”

Daesung ignores his tease and reaches out to touch the toddler but before he manages to do so, the kid flinches.

_He doesn’t like me_ , Daesung thinks bitterly. _He doesn’t want me_.

The toddler lifts his head slightly and their eyes meet. Daesung waits for him to do something, to say something, but the kid stays silent. As if he doesn’t want to speak to Daesung, as if he’s afraid that Daesung might going to hurt him.

_He’s afraid_.

“It’s okay,” Daesung speaks, his voice breaks at the end. “I was afraid to meet you too.”

The toddler’s eyes widen and then, very slowly, softens at him.

“It’s okay to be afraid,” Daesung tells him. “I’m afraid too.”

When the baby finally reaches out to touch him, Daesung sees that. The laugh behind his eyes, the curiosity in his gaze, the growing trust in his movements. He sees tomorrow, sees what they could –and probably would –do together, sees a glimpse of forever. His heart grows heavy with comfort when Seunghyun lets him be the one carrying the toddler in his arms.

“Ken,” the lady informs them. “His name is Ken.”

“Ken,” the word rolls off of Daesung’s lips like a familiar song. _Ken_ , he hears it echoing in his head like a magnet. “Ken…would you like to come home with me?”


End file.
